Mail Ponies
by Darkon Shadows
Summary: Things go so wrong before you reach the muffin at the end of the rainbow.  A MLP:FiM story.  Idea born of Derpy clones seen in Winter Wrap up.  P.S. I have a habit of ruining expectations so enter with them as low as possible.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I'm Darkon Shadows, which should be enough of a disclaimer considering you can't sue me for anything worthwhile except for my strange love of cute and cuddly characters, I don't own much of anything except my title as a supposedly evil monster and my two favorite minions who are soundly beaten daily with loaves of banana bread, the crumbs can be annoying to deal with.

Summary: Four ponies have been tasked with a very special package and they will deliver it.

Story: Mail ponies.

Prologue: There are Four D's in delivery.

It all started when the four of them were called into the office, these ponies all looked incredibly similar despite not being even remotely related and having no connections to each other other than they were all friends and mail delivery ponies.

First was the amber eyed pegasus pony known as Derpy Hooves; many didn't know if that was her actual name, she had a bluish gray coat with a lime blonde mane, her tail matched her manes color and she had seven bubbles markings both sides of her hind quarters

She was the best mail pony in all of Ponyville and despite a few hiccups and having a slight wall eyed problem where one of her eyes goes wonky once in a while she's never failed to deliver the mail.

Unless it was a heavy parcel as she tended to destroy those quite often by accident of dropping them on some random pony at an inopportune moment, she wasn't allowed to deliver the heavy stuff for while after one too many accidents, until she was cleared to deliver them once again.

Second looking almost exactly like the first except she had one big bubble wrapped around five smaller bubbles as her flank symbol, she was known as the biggest disaster to hit Ponyville that never exactly stopped hitting it. When her slightly green tinted amber eyes were around the mayor feared her presence.

Her name was Ditzy Doo; she had the opposite problem of Derpy where she was always going cross eyed and crashing through stuff, in fact that was her specialty as she was practically impervious to injury and she was the best heavy parcel delivery pony ever except when she eventually gets around to destroying the mayors house again.

It was said that Ditzy acted like a heat seeking missile no matter what residence the mayor would take up in Ponyville it would inevitably collapse inward at the first sign of Ditzy being within twenty feet of it.

She didn't do it on purpose of course, but many a pony agreed that she was hilarious despite whatever she destroys and they were always waiting to see how she wrecks the mayors newest home believing nothing was going to top the ladder stuck around her head incident.

Third same as the first two but her flank symbol was that of a glass of water filled with bubbles and blue tinted amber eyes, her name was Dipsy Duh and her eyes were always stuck in the half lidded position unless she was asleep.

She was the foremost laziest mail pony around, there has been things said about her that she knows a hidden secret about everyone in Ponyville except three ponies and those where her fellow mail delivery ponies of the 'Four D's Deliveries' mailing team.

She delivered all kinds of mail; well she eventually got around to it, she tended to laze about eating apples or sleeping through most of her shift. Until the last ten minutes in which she miraculously delivers all her mail and complains about how much work it was to deliver over usually two hundred letters in such a small amount of time.

Their boss never quite understood how a pony so lazy could deliver that much mail in such a short expanse of time, especially when said pony spends her time listening in on every other ponies conversations all day and Dipsy would never get bloodshot eyes because she's always rested, ALWAYS.

The last member of the 'Four D's Deliveries' team was the most promising pony alive and also the most disappointing at the same time, for one she was hyper competent in just about everything she did except for one slight flaw… she was the worse mail delivery pony of the 'Four D's'.

Her symbol was a bubble like sun shining light on a smaller gathering of bubbles and her eyes were of a more golden kind of amber, she never ever directly delivered the mail where it was posed to go and quite frankly she could do just about anything BUT delivering mail.

Her name was Dixie Day; the only time she could ever deliver the mail correctly was on a holiday where she was the best mail pony around as people actually went to her to get their mail from the festivities loving pony who dressed up for the little ones and when she wasn't working as a mail pony she was the best helper anyone could ask for.

In fact whenever Dixie volunteers to help buck at the apple tree plantation, everyone at the plantation always go on vacation because she's just that good at it on her own and even one of the best apple buckers named Applejack was a tad jealous of her skills.

Need a dress made? She can have it decently done at a ridiculous speed for a pony that wasn't a unicorn that specialized in making them.

Need muffins to be baked? She always brought one for everyone on the team and she makes them especially for Derpy who loves muffins.

Need someone to clear a blocked path? Actually that would be a job that both Ditzy and Dixie would and could do, she had a big heart even if she failed so much in delivering mail directly to people.

Need a letter or parcel delivered on time and in good condition to the right place? Not going to happen if Dixie is the one tasked with delivering it.

To explain the phenomenon their boss mailed a letter to herself and asked Dixie to deliver it without telling her that it was to go to her own house, the letter ended up in approximately three thousand, two hundred and forty different locations before finally ending up in the bosses hooves when she was summoned by princess Celestia to find out why she was receiving the bosses; of these four specific mail ponies, letter to herself.

The letter in question was written so that wherever it ended up someone would write down the locations name and try to forward it back to the address on the letter.

It's been through places called Cybertron, Care A Lot, Fraggle Rock, New York, Japan and even places with a title like Fairy World, before it finally ended up in Canterlot.

In spite of all the skills that she had Dixie was horribly unorganized for a mail pony and it made their boss wonder why she wanted to be a mail pony in the first place or even continue insisting on working as one if she was just that bad at delivering the mail directly to where it was posed to go.

The boss mail pony of these four was Dolly Verance, red coat, large Pegasus wings, short white mane, black tail, a symbol of the weather patterns in a coat of arms on her flank and a beautiful pair of stone grey eyes.

"Okay I asked you here for a special assignment team forty, but first what is our motto" She waited as all four of them recited the motto at the same time, yet in very different moods.

"Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, no one can stop a mail pony on the go!" Derpy was enthusiastic as always despite not having gotten her daily muffin from Dixie, Dipsy was saying it in a drowsy tone as if she really wanted to be asleep right now, Ditzy voice wavered frequently sounding slightly crazy with a cross eyed look coming to her eyes and Dixie stated it in a proud military like fashion.

They all saluted Dolly with their hooves; as per usual and as expected of her, Ditzy smacked herself in the forehead and knocked herself over.

This caused Dixie to back away and flop down onto the edge of the bench with her work bag that was sitting on the opposite end and sent it flying along with the muffins inside it into the air.

This had Derpy desperately trying to save her favorite confections from one of her best friends besides a pony named Pinkie Pie while yelling "Muffins!" and it was because the way that she always said that when she saw a muffin that she was sometimes seen as less smart then she truly was and she was a genius in most regards if a little strange.

All the while Dipsy took the opportunity to yawn and a muffin fell into her mouth as she fell asleep in the middle of a meeting while sucking on the top of the muffin in her sleep while lazing on her back.

Derpy caught the other four muffins on all four of her extended hooves and was hovering above the ground sweating wanting to save the world's best food ever to her and the ones for her friends to enjoy as well, she wasn't greedy.

All the while Dolly sighed, why was she relying on these four again? Oh, right because she could actually trust them with this special job and maybe they might survive it.

They each grabbed a muffin allowing Derpy some freedom of movement and Dixie was laughing nervously, but nothing went wrong and she was afraid the Applejack muffins incident would turn Derpy completely off muffins.

It didn't but Derpy had to ask if they had been made by the evil tired pony known as Applejack every single time after getting an apology straight from the pony's mouth about the sickening muffins she made.

It took her a while but she was eventually was able to trust the bakery after she learned to trust Dixie that Applejack wouldn't touch on muffin making for a while.

"Okay now, Derpy has gotten her daily muffin and MMmm…. how do you make these things Dixie…" Dolly kept Dixie on for quite a few of her own selfish reasons and one was that she made Derpy exceedingly happy everyday they both came to work.

"With love of course… and maybe a bit of buttermilk… ma'am" Dixie was proud to call herself a friend of everyone on the team and even Dipsy seemed to be enjoying hers as it was halfway into her throat and she wasn't choking on it or at least Dixie didn't think Dipsy was choking on it.

"Anyway as I told you all, you're here for an important assignment because each of your… skills… will contribute greatly to this special assignment" Soon Dolly was pacing in front of the three ponies and the one that seemed to be out cold with a muffin slowly sliding down her throat.

"Derpy your determination to do deliveries despite any issue that comes in your path makes you an excellent choice for this mission" Derpy smiled and blushed at getting praise from Dolly, one of her eyes was staring off in a completely different direction then it should be at that moment.

"Dipsy we need your ears to the ground as you always know what's going on in Ponyville, goodness knows how when you spend half your time asleep or eating on the job but I can't deny your excellent record" Dipsy snorted slightly and wiggled her hooves at the air before settling down and continuing to sleep on her back with a muffin halfway in her throat.

"Ditzy as every pony should know by now you can survive any atrocity, which is why you're always hauling the heaviest and most dangerous stuff I can find, surprisingly doing that makes you even more efficient then when you're just hauling letters where you're at your most dangerous… I hope you don't destroy half of Ponyville but you might be needed to do so on purpose for this assignment so just be yourself" Ditzy nodded with a silly grin crossing her face that kind of spooked Dolly, she was planning to let Ditzy help on this why? Oh right, because the mayor was actually going to be involved in trying to stop this special assignment and nothing scares the mayor more than seeing Ditzy just sitting still or being within the general vicinity of her house.

"Excuse me ma'am, but why would Ditzy need to destroy half of Ponyville? What assignment could possibly warrant Ditzy's importance if it's not in heavy lifting, ma'am?" Dixie received a look from Dolly when she stopped her pacing in front of Dixie.

"Trust me, if Ponyville doesn't destroy half of itself on this assignment then Ditzy will do it for them" Dolly turned her back to Dixie then she turned sharply back to Dixie "You are the worst mail pony here but I actually have a good job for you and your skills are quite varied in many areas correct?"

"I swear I don't know how that letter ended up where it did and yes I'm quite proud of my many abilities but I've always wanted to be a mail pony, please don't fire me ma'am" Dixie said almost feeling she was being grilled for the many, many absurd mistakes she's made in mail delivery history that no other pony has been able to duplicate, not even Ditzy and she's still trying to do so.

"Don't worry about that, your wide variety of skills is going to be useful in this assignment and people have suggested you for bodyguard duty at Canterlot, but I didn't want to give you up and in fact if you left… you'd be making a lot of little ponies sad that they won't be seeing you on the holiday's and we can't have that now can we" From the way Dolly said it had Dixie sighing in relief, sure she might have come from a family of guardian ponies but she really wanted to pursue her dream as a mail pony and she was continuing to live that dream today and hopefully well into the future.

She was receiving a friendly hoof from a smiling Derpy and Ditzy, but upon looking down she saw Dipsy while still asleep also had her hoof in as well barely touching Dixie, apparently Dipsy finally managed to miraculously swallow the entire muffin without even chewing it in her sleep.

"You're all a natural team but you're also the weirdest one we have in all of Ponyville, which is why this mail assignment will take up all of your duties for the next four days other mail ponies will fill in the gaps for you" Before the ponies could protest that they had their rounds to make Dolly held up a hoof to them, to stall any more complaints from the three of them as one wasn't into complaining until after she's done her job.

"You'll understand when I tell you what your assignment entails. Tomorrow a special package will be arriving in this very post office and all four of you are going to be guarding it and just about every pony in Ponyville wants this package even if it's wrong to steal from a mail pony or from the mailing office. The mayor is actually going to legalize this one theft and it'll be anarchy" Dixie had a slightly worried look on her face she didn't like the fact that she'd be fighting other ponies to keep a package safe, Dipsy snored blissfully, Ditzy had the same frown like look Dixie had on her face showing no signs of letting up and Derpy looked to be inredibly pensive about this.

"But as mail ponies our job is to deliver the mail no matter what, with exceptions to protect our own good health and friends. This is a very big responsibility I'm giving the four of you, you have the rest of this day off to prepare for tomorrow but before you leave I'll be telling you exactly what it is you'll be doing" Dolly reached a hoof up and pulled down a cord revealing a screen and the room goes dark and a projector starts up.

"Tomorrow when you come in for work you will be picking up a special package, which has to be delivered back to this post office if it still exists within four days and if not to me directly where I'll finally tell you where to take it, Derpy your assignment is to carry this package and not let it out of your sight, if you for some reason can't carry it then Dipsy carries it and following that Ditzy" The slides that came up were quite weird, the first one showed a smiling Derpy with a package on top of her head, second shows Ditzy and Dixie getting trampled by a crowd of ponies and finally it showed Dipsy backed into a corner with a half lidded glare into her eyes holding a package at her back.

"Man Artsy Tartsy is good, anyway Derpy is the leader of this assignment whatever she says; as long as it's not giving up the package, goes, Dixie you are to protect Derpy, Dipsy, Ditzy and the package as best you can however you are not allowed to deliver it or hold on to it for too long and Dipsy…" Looking down at the sleeping pony Dolly sighed and gave her a light smack with her front right hoof causing the pony to moan as she woke up slightly angry at being nudged.

"You just do your job and make sure nobody other then the four of you has the package, I can't stress this enough that every single pony other than those working at this post office will be after it and we can't let any pony in Ponyville have it, any questions?" All four of them raised a hoof.

"I will not tell you what's in the package, but obviously it's not much of a secret if every pony in Ponyville knows so you'll figure it out eventually, but whatever you do… NEVER OPEN THE PACKAGE, your mail ponies and you should be ashamed of yourself if you even think of it" Seeing as three of them lowered their hooves and only Dipsy still had hers raised Dolly didn't even need to guess what Dipsy wanted to ask "Yes you may now all leave and prepare for tomorrow Dipsy, dismissed and don't tell anyone you're the package carriers they will try anything to get it from you and I mean anything".

As they left the post office Dixie had started to feel worried if it wasn't for Derpy's comforting hoof that everything would be okay, Ditzy flew off doing whatever it is she does when she's off work, probably flying in eccentric patterns.

Dipsy fell asleep outside the post office and didn't move much further then the door causing Dixie to groan and lift her off the ground to carry her back to her home.

Seeing Dixie struggling to carry Dipsy, Derpy turned around to help shoulder some of her weight and Dixie gave a wan smile as the weight was lessened. Ditzy came back and started to help them carry "The Sleeper" pony that once incidentally slept through her entire acting career where she was volunteered to be 'Sleeping Beauty' and somehow made the play a huge hit despite being asleep through the entire thing.

These four would work together or they wouldn't work at all. They were the 'Four D's Deliveries' team and nothing could stop them from delivering the mail, not even every single pony in Ponyville.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1: No muffins for Derpy.

Upon coming into the post office next day something was drastically wrong but Derpy couldn't put a hoof on the feeling as she turned to Ditzy, who was the only other pony in the meeting room.

"Trouble" Ditzy looked to Derpy after she voiced her concern with but a single word.

"Maybe" Ditzy and Derpy weren't the most talkative ponies alive but they communicated well enough.

"Guys sorry I'm late, but I couldn't bring any muffins for some reason there's not a muffin or mix for one to be found anywhere within a mile of Ponyville, so I made cookies as I was out of muffin mix this morning as well" Dixie looked highly apologetic and she would try to figure out how to make muffins from scratch later, she didn't want to disappoint Derpy as she was her best friend and the mail pony she looked up to despite the few flubs Derpy had caused.

She watched Derpy take a cookie and ate it, but noted that Derpy didn't seem to look entirely pleased even if she did like the cookies.

It had a nice berry flavor, soft and freshly baked but Derpy felt off as cookies did not a void fill, a muffin in the morning was her prescribed breakfast item as well as for lunch and dinner sometimes.

"No muffins?" Derpy looked really sad and Dixie hugged her in an attempt to cheer her friend up and Ditzy joined in just because it looked fun.

"I'm really sorry Derpy, truly I am but like I said no muffin making stuff within a mile of Ponyville which is strange considering Ponyville is usually loaded down with enough muffin mix to last the entire population two winters over" Dixie had a thoughtful look as she brought a hoof to her chin, in fact this morning was strangely quiet especially after the mayors announcement yesterday.

It was an announcement of open season on THE PACKAGE, which the mayor never specified what was exactly in it or what it looked like but every pony in Ponyville seemed to know what it was as they all started chatting excitedly.

A few ponies like a unicorn with a mostly purple mane and a sparkling star symbol on her rear had no idea what it was all about that got all the ponies in an uproar, the mail ponies gathered there were the ones all backing slowly out of the crowd with a very frightened looks on their faces.

Slowly there was a single knock on the door and Derpy rolled one of her eyes as the other went in a random direction, opening the door she found Dipsy asleep on the floor outside.

Walking around Dipsy, Derpy slowly rolled her into the meeting room and took the cookies for her and started to one at a time dropped them into a snoring Dipsy's mouth as she snoozed on her back hooves in the air.

Ditzy was thanking Dixie on the wonderful cookies in her own unique way of a full on body slam, though that didn't knock Dixie down at all Ditzy was still quite heavy to lift.

After a few minutes they began to wonder where their boss was as her cookies might get cold before she finally made it to the meeting room.

Dolly was team forty's boss and dispatcher, she would warn the four of any unplanned weather conditions and she would tell them all where to go and what to do before she set about to her own job as a weather pony.

Like all of the mail ponies on the team Dolly had other miscellaneous odd jobs around town that she would do when they were having a slow mail day.

Unplanned weather conditions usually meant heavy fogs which the weather controlling winged ponies can't do anything to or other weather conditions which can only be altered slightly but not entirely stopped.

"I'm getting a little worried Dixie, do you think Dolly is sick" the fact that Derpy just spoke an entire sentence was telling everyone in the room how worried she actually was and the fact that Dipsy immediately woke up looking alert as she possibly could get meant that there really was something wrong.

Suddenly Dolly ran into the room heaving heavily and shut the door behind her and locked it.

Dolly looked to be incredibly panicked and tired, she was noticeably carrying a small red box with black ribbons wrapping around it held in a simple knot and it wasn't in the form of a cute bow either.

"Dolly" Two of the mail ponies cried out exactly at the same time in the same worried tone.

"Good-bye cucumbers" Despite the fact that no one was leaving the room or had cucumbers for that matter Ditzy loved being the icebreaker sometimes and Dipsy yawned in relief before settling down and falling back asleep on the floor instead of finding a nicer place to rest.

"Girls here's the package now It's time I showed you a secret exit out the back of this room. This building is currently swarming with ponies after this package and their trying to butter up any mail pony they can find into giving it to them and… why aren't there any muffins today Dixie you know Derpy really doesn't settle for less very well" Saying this Dolly started eating her share of the cookies Dixie made for them while giving a cheerful hum at the taste, before it turned into a defeated sigh once she learned why there were no muffins at this meeting.

"Hay bales, their already getting to you and they don't even know it yet. Remember don't let it go or get opened by anyone no matter what, also try to find someone who won't try to take the package from you that can support you, you have three days after this one before it has to come back. Good luck team forty or should I say team Four D's Deliveries" With that she shoved them out the back door of the building into an alleyway, Dipsy woke up because of the slightly not so fragrant smell and rolled onto her hooves while yawning as they were asked to repeat the motto.

"Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, no one can stop a mail pony on the go!" they all threw a salute to Dolly as she closed the door.

This time Dixie was standing on the opposite side of Ditzy only for her to summarily throw up her opposite hoof knocking herself into Dixie who fell into Derpy who fell on top of Dipsy leading them to becoming a groaning pileup.

"Well this is a bothersome situation, I say we be careful and keep the package well hidden from sight Derpy, I'm going to… find a place to eat something I'm hungry see you guys later" With that Dipsy crawled out of the pile of downed flying ponies and trotted off sleepily leaving the three mail delivering ponies to carry the package.

Derpy had the package between her hooves and she was looking at it, why was this package so important to all the ponies in Ponyville? No matter to her, so she just stuffed it in her empty mail bag. Derpy had a job to do even if it was to deliver one thing and it was unusual for her to have to wait to deliver mail instead of delivering it as fast as she possibly could while having fun with it.

A few hours into holding the package and the mailing team became highly aware that every pony in Ponyville was searching high and low for it; they were all sitting at a table for lunch when Dipsy strode on up to them watching the chaos.

"Derpy I found out why there's no muffin mix anywhere in Ponyville, needless to say you're not going to like what I have to tell you" Dipsy lazily yawned, sat down at the table and ordered the tomato basil special with carrots and an extra side of guacamole.

The fact that Dipsy has eaten fourteen meals in the past few hours meant she considered this to be one of her binge eating days, the day where she was only awake to consume food before going back into a average; for her, sleeping schedule and since she didn't have any large amounts of mail to deliver...

"What is it Dipsy" Dipsy didn't exactly want to tell Derpy this so she decided to tell Dixie, she wouldn't tell Ditzy because she'd just blurt it out to everyone in the area and make a scene.

Dixie's face seemed normal for a moment but as the whispers from a bored looking Dipsy continued on her face started to grow pale, then paler and then straight grayish white.

"Derpy you're better off not knowing what she just told me" Derpy had a confused look on her face at what Dipsy couldn't tell her or why Dixie wouldn't tell her after hearing about it, plus it had to do with muffins so it had to be very important to her.

"What, what is it?" Derpy had a worried look on her face and Dixie really didn't want to be the one to tell her this.

"It's nothing that important, but are you sure it was all of it and is that even possible" When Dixie had turned her question to Dipsy, she just stared blankly at her making Dixie realize that Dipsy hadn't stuttered one bit with her information.

"What! What!" Ditzy said joining in with Derpy wanting to know as well what information Dipsy had given to Dixie it sounded like a fun secret depending on the looks on their faces.

"Err… maybe we should go to some place quieter after we eat before I tell you" Dixie looked around the market place at all the ponies looking high and low grilling each other on any information they had found on the package, so far no one had a clue they had it.

"Okay, but what kind of quiet" Derpy had posed a good question; Dixie wracked her brains and finally thought of a place just outside Ponyville where the quietest pony alive named Fluttershy resided, they wouldn't be bothered there.

After lunch all four of the Pegasus ponies took off for the outskirts of Ponyville, to a very quiet and serene meadow where the worst news you could deliver to Derpy came out in but a whisper from Dixie.

What followed was the wail of a crying Pegasus with three others similar in appearance trying to calm the one down with hugs and gentle words of encouragement that it would be okay, it wasn't like it was the end of the world.

For Derpy the world had well went past ending and went straight to living survivor's guilt nightmare for her, NO MUFFINS IN ALL OF PONYVILLE! The words were the most horrifying thing for Derpy to hear and accept, in fact she was almost willing trade in the package just for a muffin right about now.

There weren't really any left after the post office raid and bribe frenzy by all of the ponies trying to get the package. Dipsy knew things like this and so it has to be all true as she never lied unless there was something she didn't know.

All the wailing brought the ever kind if exceedingly shy pony known as Fluttershy out to investigate what had scared off her cute bunny rabbits; miraculously she had the only thing that would quiet Derpy right about now on hand.

Fluttershy was a quiet little Pegasus, yellow coat and long pink mane and pink tail, in her mouth was a basket of muffins which suddenly had Derpy looking in her direction pathetically begging for a muffin with her eyes.

Dipsy raised an eye, she had said that there were no muffins in Ponyville and technically Fluttershy did live outside of the limits in her peaceful estate so she hadn't lied technically.

"Excuse me, but what's all the crying about" The way Fluttershy placed the basket on the ground and the way both of Derpy's eyes followed it, had her friends worried. This meant Derpy really wanted to act on an impulse but she was resisting it quite well with every fiber of her being, as the muffins just didn't belong to her.

"Oh, erm… our friend here is having a horrible day and we're busy calming her down, nothing to worry about… by the way who are those muffins for they smell nice" Dixie got in front of the three other ponies making sure that Derpy didn't do anything unpleasant with the muffin basket like charge it face first not caring who those muffins were for.

Derpy was busy being held down by Ditzy and Dipsy to make sure she didn't do anything hasty and she most certainly understood their reasoning, well maybe not Ditzy's but Dipsy always had sound reasoning skills.

After having a nice chat Fluttershy finally decided to leave seeing as nothing was horribly wrong here, she picked up her basket and left because there wasn't any more crying to be heard.

"Well okay have a nice day Fluttershy… are you… are you going to be okay Derpy" Letting Derpy up they three mail ponies watched as the assigned leader of the group broke down crying silently into her hooves. Those were muffins and they were so close yet so far away, they waited a little and she calmed down.

"Dixie, Dipsy and even you Ditzy… thanks" Derpy felt Dixie give her another comforting hug one of many she's received in the past few minutes until she finally calmed down even further, they might not hang out all that often but they were good friends.

"It'll be okay Derpy, we'll be able to have muffins again… in another week maybe…" Derpy frowned sadly at Dixie's estimates but she was all out of tears to cry today.

The rest of the day went without a hitch with them staying under the radar just outside of Ponyville where ponies were searching high and low not having found the mail pony that was carrying the package. So they thought it might have been hidden somewhere around Ponyville and thus the search would start anew sometime later as it was getting late.

The Four D's stopped by the apple orchard ranch for some dinner after Dixie did an entire afternoon's work for them in a timely manner with a bit of help.

Soon it was nightfall and they didn't go home. Ditzy went to go get her camping equipment and the reason Ditzy had camping equipment is because she doesn't own a house in Ponyville; certain zoning laws couldn't handle the amazing calamity causer known as Ditzy Doo.

They were all going to be camping out tonight just to enjoy the stars and the outdoors a little longer because quite frankly they wanted to give Derpy a calm serene surrounding to stay in as Ponyville didn't seem so safe for them or any mail pony all of the sudden.

"Muffins…" Looking at the stars Derpy dreamed of a day when there would be a mountain of muffins for her and her friends to share before she finally drifted off to sleep and was slowly put into a sleeping bag by a calmly smiling Dixie as Derpy snuggled into it.

Today just wasn't a good day to be Derpy Hooves lover of all things muffin, Dixie and Dipsy felt sad about it and Ditzy, no one knew how she felt as she was a tad random at times.

Currently Ditzy had her body rammed through a tree where she proceeded to fall asleep after exclaiming the words "share share, I'm roughing" in a rather sing song voice despite the painful looking way she had impaled herself through a poor innocent tree.

Dipsy didn't need to be told twice and fell asleep as soon as she was in the tent, though it was going to be a tight squeeze Dixie managed to get Derpy into the tent while squeezing herself a little room in the corner of the tent as well.

"Tomorrow's another day, but why in the world do all the ponies in Ponyville want that package, I mean what could be so important that they'd use up every muffin making resource in town, not to mention poor Derpy just isn't herself without a muffin to fawn over or a lesser incident to cause because of her silly eye problem" Dixie was being introspective and started to wonder what could be in the package they're holding on to or why it was required that four of them watch it at all times.

Not that Dixie or any of them for that matter would try and open it. They'd find out what this was all about once they finish this delivery.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2: Ditzy doesn't.

Derpy woke up in a strange place, in fact it was warm and she noticed that Dixie was curled up next to her and Dipsy was out cold and didn't look to be waking anytime before noon, she slowly started to work her way out of the sleeping bag making sure to stay totally quiet.

Walking out of the tent Derpy sadly recalled the fact that no muffins could be made for a whole week and she started to tear up until Ditzy chose the moment to interrupt her sadness.

"Hey look at me, I'm rooted in my work today and I have nothing better to do then hang around getting trunk and I feel wood" Ditzy said cheerily as she was still in fact impaled in the tree from whence she had spent the night sleeping in, she had woken up to Derpy beginning to cry from the lack of muffins and wanted to cheer her up lickety-split.

Sure Ditzy was considered crazy by many a pony; flying west to find south bound birds, but then again they had never met Pinkie Pie before and she always wins most insane pony of the year.

The earth pony known as Pinkie Pie was always leaving Ditzy as a close runner up for the title all the time.

The most insane pony awards was held by a secret society of insanity driven ponies who do the impossible daily and as often as impossibly implied possible, they made it their goal in life to spread the magic of impossibilities done daily to spite those who think everything can be explained so readily.

Derpy started tearing up again but for an entirely different reason as her mouth crinkled up before she started chuckling and then it went to full blown laughing as Ditzy made silly faces in her general direction trying to mimic tree branches with her legs and everything.

Ditzy just made a muffin-less future seem all that brighter and she always knew when to drop a good joke even if it was at her own current expense of being stuck in a tree.

After calming down Derpy fluttered up to Ditzy and around the tree trying to figure out how to get her out of the tree.

"Help" The questioning tone was met with a cheery smile from Ditzy and she shook her head no, she didn't need any help at all.

After a good five minutes of wiggling Ditzy managed to withdraw her body from the tree and flutter into the air flapping her recently constrained wings out by flying in random directions and patterns till she finally ended up floating next to Derpy upside down and with her eyes crossed with a cute smile on her face.

After settling on the ground they decided to find some berries, but not before Derpy made sure that the package was safe and that it was still in her mail bag which she took with her to help carry the berries back to the campsite.

Dixie woke up and noticed that Derpy was not there and she wandered outside to see the hole that Ditzy made was still there, but the pony wasn't.

That meant the two usually accident prone ponies were out there together but in a still relatively safe environment which could only be unsafe for them, she yawned as she stretched her body out before doing the same with her wings. She wasn't worried one bit; Derpy and Ditzy were full grown ponies and could take care of themselves.

She decided to wait around for Dipsy to wake up and after five minutes she remembered who Dipsy exactly was and sighed. How is it that the pony that never stayed awake learned to ever make any friends? But then again she was friends with Dipsy so she really shouldn't be questioning logic with the people of team forty which includes her as well.

Sighing in complete defeat that there was no logic in anything they did sometimes, she went about preparing breakfast making grass-hay hash cakes while the ingredients were still fresh, but while she was in the process of making them she neglected to get some berries for completing them.

So currently Dixie was wielding Ditzy's giant; somewhat of a novelty, frying pan she pulled from the ponies camping gear with the cakes sitting over a fire being flipped by a novelty spatula.

It was like Ditzy didn't even try to hide the fact that she loved heavy lifting considering her camping gear was all novelty sized except for the tent and a toothbrush apparently.

Dixie recognized that she made a mistake that if they didn't get some berries soon she would just have to make berry syrup from scrounging berries from the surroundings instead of putting them into the grass-hay hash cakes with bits of herbal spices mixed in to add a nice flavor.

Ditzy decided to save breakfast today when she somehow crashed flying in from an odd vector into the ground sending a full hooves worth of berries flying into the oversized pan much to the surprise of Dixie, the surprise was the fact that the berries all landed individually and equally into their grass-hay hash cakes.

Not to look a gift pony in the mouth Dixie took advantage and started to work the novelty spatula with both hooves the best she could, eventually she had three cakes set on three large plastic plates and she called out Dipsy. For reasons of Ditzy's own safety she wasn't allowed to own anything that wasn't made out of substances as durable as hard plastic or solid metal.

Dipsy wasn't a morning pony, she wasn't an evening pony and she most certainly wasn't also the any time of day pony, but she would wake up for food and drink like anyone else.

Derpy looked confused as to why her plate didn't have anything on it until her eyes widened when a muffin shaped hay-grass hash cake was sat upon her plate in all its glory, Dixie took the time to personalize it just for her.

"It may not exactly be a muffin Derpy, but I hope it's a good enough substitute" Derpy gave Dixie a grand hug expressing her constant thanks for the next five seconds and before she ate her food she decided to say the one thing on her mind.

"Muffin…" Derpy slowly let the word travel out of her mouth as she went to take a bite, she knew it wasn't a real muffin but she could just imagine it tasting like one and even if it didn't it was still pretty darn good.

One could only wonder why Dixie didn't get a job as a chef with as much cooking as she did for herself and her friends.

After breakfast they were all looking towards Derpy for orders as she was the leader of the team as she was assigned by Dolly, yesterday they had been randomly bustling about but now they had to take things a bit more seriously.

"Ditzy and Dipsy, head into town and check up on the situation then come back, we can survive out here off the land as long as necessary" Well that was pretty sound logic except Derpy was sending lazy and crazy together into a hornets' nest, they both left with Ditzy actually flying straight but only because she was hauling Dipsy.

"Well it's true we can survive out here for as long as necessary but what about the weather, we can't camp outdoors if there's a big enough storm you know and I don't even want to ask what Ditzy does to survive them as she can't even seem to get a cloud house with the zoning laws all against her" Dixie didn't know what they were going to do, but they would probably keep the package better secured by staying out of Ponyville.

"If it becomes a problem" It was the only thing Derpy could truly say with a light hearted silly smile on her face while one eye wandered randomly.

This somewhat relieved Dixie but she wasn't about to think things were going so well, Derpy looked to be a little stressed without an actual muffin to eat and she didn't know how long she could keep muffin shaping Derpy's food to keep her cheery and happy.

Upon reaching town Ditzy dropped Dipsy in the center of Ponyville and left her sleeping on the ground, as did many of the ponies that walked past Dipsy chatting about recent events knowing she was regularly seen sleeping everywhere in town and even once on the mayors roof due in part to a Ditzy related accident.

Ditzy flew along in her happily erratic flying and with a cheery cross eyed look on her face, the only time Ditzy ever flew straight was when her wings were weighed down somehow otherwise she couldn't fly just right because they were too overpowered making her flying seem chaotic, she just couldn't control herself sometimes.

Ditzy prided herself on her strength in being able to move or destroy heavy stuff, despite all the accidents she caused because of her wild flying and some rather silly antics on the side which she admits some of which are just to cheer up some unhappy ponies day, she was here on a mission for her team.

But who could Ditzy go to for finding out information on the situation in Ponyville, she just dropped Dipsy off and she was pretty sure that wasn't enough time to learn all of the universes secrets… wait… she knew of a pony that knew everyone and everything that went on in Ponyville.

Before she could fly too far or redirect herself to where she needed to go she slammed into the wall of a random building and bounced off of it hit the ground with a thud cracking it, Ditzy looked horribly confused as a house shouldn't be able to stop her like that.

Taking the unyielding house as a challenge to her physical strength, Ditzy flew into it several times only to bounce off it repeatedly but for some reason it wouldn't budge or move and she slowly started to get discouraged, had her strength failed her?

Feeling off Ditzy didn't feel so funny or strong today at this moment and sadly walked off with drooping wings, she had never failed to be stopped before why was this house so seemingly different? If she crashed she was posed to stay crashed. She wasn't posed to bounce off of it like she or her strength didn't exist.

The mayor of the town walked up to her house after witnessing Ditzy taking a rather futile attempt to fly into it destructively, she knew all that rubber cement was a good idea and finally she had a home she could move all her stuff into and expect it to be standing for more than week at a time.

As the happily smiling mayor made her way up to the house she accidentally kicked a pebble at the side of the house that Ditzy had been uselessly ramming into before the cross eyed Pegasus got discouraged.

As soon as the pebble hit the wall the entire half of the house that Ditzy had been slamming against imploded and the mayor just stood there wide eyed looking at the pebble she had kicked at the wall and then back to the rubble that was part of her newest house, then she started weeping into her hooves.

Ditzy was stumbling along as her walking a straight line while cross eyed was impossible, she could fly straight while carrying a heavy weight cross eyed or not. Sadness filled Ditzy she had never failed to cause an accident before and this is the first time she actually tried to do it on purpose with any effort at all and she had just lost faith in her abilities.

She slowly stumbled into the specific corner of Ponyville where the Pony she was previously going to visit was waiting, she was a frowning face sad pony and she knew that the pony wouldn't like her looking like this but what could she do?

Ditzy didn't have her strength anymore and she was just like any other pony.

Walking into the bakery and local sweets stop, the same one that Derpy tended to frequent when fresh muffins called to the Hooves to come in and get some… of course recently she's only been trusting Dixie for her muffin fix and Ditzy thought she could understand that or maybe it was just bad gas on her part.

"Oh, Ditzy hi how are you, you doing okay, what's with the frown, you need to turn it upside down, why aren't you happy, who made you sad, why do you look so defeated and you're not here for a snack I can tell, so what is it" the hyper ballistic pony known as Pinkie Pie was an entirely pink pony with a curly mane and tail.

Pinkie could move fast for a ground bound earth pony and her symbol was party balloons which spoke highly of her nature as the literal end all party animal.

"Situation" She asked seeming to droop even more, life was no fun without being able to do weird things beyond everyone's expectation, Pinkie seemed to still have it so that was a good sign if anything.

"Situation? Oh you mean like what's the scoop, what's going on around Ponyville, the local news, the general status… it's been quite weird actually nobody can stop talking about that package and it seems like they'd go to any length to get it, even some of my friends are going for it too but that's not important… what happened to you? Nothing can stop your cheerful veneer unless something's really wrong… do you need a party" looking at the super sugar guzzler Ditzy shook her head that she didn't need any party.

Though the thought of a Pinkie party would make her feel better, she was currently busy as her current courier job was still in effect.

"Weak weak, didn't crash right, mango shaped world" the pink pony started matching Ditzy in her sad look.

"Oh no… that's horrible, but you're still you and you'll be crashing correctly like you're supposed to in no time I'm sure of it! You're just having an off day, here take a cupcake I'd offer you a muffin but for some reason the entire area of Ponyville is out of them and everyone is still wary about our muffins which is strange because we sold out on them yesterday" Ditzy took the cupcake in good health from the master of zany herself, she also took Pinkie's advice maybe she just wasn't strong today.

No that couldn't be right as she slammed into the house multiple times and nothing, then again maybe it was better that she didn't try to destroy someone's home on purpose.

Going back to Dipsy, Ditzy found the pony eating pasta and a light tomato onion sauce and sat at the table placing the cupcake down while putting a hoof under her chin to look at it with her eyes uncrossed for as long as that lasted.

Dipsy stopped eating when she noticed Ditzy in a funk sitting across the table from her.

Despite how lazy she acted or actually was, she actually cared when the balance of her daily life was upset in any way possible and that included how her friends acted and if something was wrong with them then something was wrong with her.

Ditzy was acting like she wasn't interesting anymore and that in and of itself was interesting to Dipsy.

"Okay what's wrong Ditzy Doo and don't tell me 'nothing', you looked like you've lost something important" Ditzy looked up at Dipsy and shoved the cupcake to her and said nothing more.

"Did you hear the mayor supposedly knocked down her own house, that should bring a smile to your face at least… right?" Seeing nothing was forthcoming from Ditzy, Dipsy frowned as juicy gossip was what she was good at finding out because she could remember everything she hears in her sleep and she really enjoyed sleeping as much as eating.

She found out what made her different when she one night went for a glass of water and dropped some medicine into it because she wasn't feeling too well on that particular night and thus her flank symbol was born, when she realized she was remembering a conversation her parents had minutes before while she was still asleep.

Returning to the campsite was a bit awkward for Dipsy as she was the one carrying a blank faced Ditzy back, Derpy and Dixie noticed instantly something was wrong with her and gathered around Dipsy who didn't for once fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

"Apparently she failed to cause an accident and it caused to her to start doubting her strength and ability, she practically begged me to fly her back and you guys know how proud she is about her random flying" the fact that Dipsy was alert was not lost on the other two mail ponies.

After a while of trying to cheer up Ditzy it was quickly found out to be a lost cause, not that Derpy didn't stop trying to think of something that might cheer the pony up and as leader she wouldn't quite till the job was done and they were all happy with it.

What more could happen to them? Well at least Derpy was taking her leader role of this rag tag group in taking care of a single package seriously and was only being a little bit silly as her name would suggest and someone on the team had to be smiling even if it was forced.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3: Narcoleptics insomnia.

Dipsy knew she was following Ditzy and Derpy into funk town, how did she know? Well she woke up… before everyone else….

Today was day three of their assignment and actually felt like working hard for a change. SHE FELT LIKE WORKING!

This was horribly scary for her as she was used to being out cold or sleeping, but with her two friends unbalanced her nature followed them in unbalancing.

Feeling the need to work was something that was quite foreign to her and Dipsy didn't like it, not a bit.

The only way she'd be back to normal is if Derpy had muffins and Ditzy got her natural bizarre nature back.f

Derpy was trying to keep it together and doing a good job of it as the leader without her favorite confection being in town.

Ditzy however was completely lost in feeling okay and the thought of her not smiling was kind of ruining Dipsy's mood and making her unable to go back to sleep.

Sure Derpy could still smile but it was too forced to be her natural patented mail pony smile everyone loves.

Dispy realized that she was thinking too hard and that she couldn't stop thinking in fact she was slowly going nuts with awareness.

If she didn't know any better she'd swear every time she blinked her eyelids raised another centimeter away from their lazy contemplative looking nature, heading towards full alertness.

Dipsy's normal idea of alertness didn't involve her eyes being wide open and that was slowly happening to her, she was beginning to panic.

Slowly Dipsy decided to find something to help her sleep and thus she shot away from the campsite at a blinding speed that most people never knew she was capable of.

Despite how lazy she acted if she was flying straight she was the fastest pegasus in the air that was capable of breaking the sound barrier on a whim going in any direction as long as it involved flying without turning.

As she shot off a worried Derpy held a hoof to her mouth seeing another member of her mailing team cracking apart from stress she's never seen those eyes so wide open before, she thought no muffins was bad but her friends and mailing team buddies going over the edge was far worse.

And here Derpy thought the worst day she's had in the past month was accidentally dropping all that stuff while she was assisting those movers because it was Ditzy's day off.

The team was getting worse and there haven't been any attempts on the package yet but it was inevitable, so Derpy decided to prepare for the 'time has come' moments and nobody knew how crazy prepared this one pony could get when she started thinking for every possibility.

Many a pony and stallion thought Derpy was a little strange, but they didn't even begin to know how much of an understatement the word 'strange' was for describing her.

A little while later Dixie and Ditzy were up, Ditzy wasn't happy and Derpy being the kind friend that she was decided to do something about her mood.

Searching around the area Derpy managed to finally lead Ditzy up to a large boulder and stood twenty feet away from it; pointing at it and looking at Ditzy expecting her instantly get what she was posed to do.

"Weak weak, no good" Ditzy said dimly after a moment, she could speak normally but she preferred being childish and nothing was more childish then an adult arguing about things like they couldn't destroy or lift a boulder three times their size.

"Ahem, Ditzy lend me a hoof" Ditzy held up her hoof to Derpy who grabbed it in both of her own and swung Ditzy around once before releasing her and sending her flying headfirst at the boulder.

Surprisingly Ditzy went through the boulder headfirst and she continues on through seven trees knocking them all down without any effort whatsoever, the seventh one completely stopped her momentum.

"Feel better?" Derpy said hoping that a little destruction would make Ditzy feel a little better about herself as no normal pony would have gone through a boulder like that.

"Not really Derpy that was mostly your doing, it wasn't me at all… nice throw though" with a sigh Derpy shook her head and trotted away, she was so sure Ditzy would be responsive with having her body thrown through something so hard.

Ditzy was looking at the ground with a melancholy expression before she looked at the boulder.

Derpy wasn't really that strong and Ditzy felt like she actually wanted to ram headfirst into the boulder and she did just that and decimated it, but it just wasn't done as she had her standards.

She wouldn't feel alright until she had her usual brand of accident and it wasn't predetermined by anything, plus she wanted it to be under the perfectly random circumstances she upheld herself to until she bounced off that wall while she wasn't watching where she was flying.

Elsewhere in the Everfree forest; where the wild things are, Dipsy was seeking a medical consultant about her need for a powerful sleeping agent; it was like she touched a Poison Joke flower and couldn't sleep knowing her friends were not doing fine.

"I do not have such a medicine for thee, maybe you can come back tomorrow at some time after three?" Zecora the pony zebra of Everfree forest knew of Dipsy; as she had a seemingly self inflicted narcolepsy problem, but seeing her here was quite saddening really as she seemed to be almost wide eyed and was panicking about the fact that she was awake.

Dipsy had to wait an entire twenty four hours to fall asleep again, her head was beginning to be overloaded with the realization that she just couldn't calm down and the world was so boring right now she just had to do something.

Back at the campsite Dixie was busy cooking up a vegetable soup for the ages in Ditzy's novelty oversized pot. She was also making biscuits and was quite worried about her three mailing team buddies who ended up on odd jobs and deliveries all over the place. They were losing it and she was afraid that she would be next.

Nearby by the soup making pony Derpy was working on a long metallic tube like object and the package was sitting out in the open on a stump.

She didn't think there was anyone out here and she doubted that a pony could outrun her and Dixie if one did in fact notice the package and try to grab it from them.

Above them in the sky was a rainbow mane and blue coated pegasus who had been looking all over the place for the package, she wasn't going to lose to anyone in being the first to open it and that's when she saw it sitting out in the open next to Derpy.

Her name was Rainbow Dash, figuring that the package would be easy target considering the people that were watching it she swooped straight for it and it snatched up, she was going to be the first to get the package and no one could stop her from opening it.

Derpy didn't react to it like Rainbow was going to get away with the package; instead she stood up and pulled her long tube like metallic device with her.

"DITZY BRACE MY BACK!" Ditzy looking glum that the package had been taken quickly moved to steady Derpy who was standing on her hind hooves and shouldering the long metallic tube she had been working on, it had a boxing glove fixture sticking out of the end of it.

Dixie was already giving chase to Rainbow Dash who was flying circles around the mail pony until the sound of something ripping through the air was heard and slammed into the side of Rainbow Dashes face almost knocking her flat out.

The missile Derpy fired continued on for a bit and then exploded harmlessly into a shower of tree sap which Dixie had avoided but Dash not so much as she was too dizzy from the blow to her face and she was soon falling as her feathers became weighed down with tree sap.

There were a few reasons you never stole from the ponies of mailing team forty, Derpy's Anti-Pegasus Punch Line Express missile or APPLE missile for short was one of those reasons.

Ditzy might not have felt strong anymore but she still had her job and she was still going to do it as she galloped and caught the package before it hit the ground; read: she stumbled and flipped onto her back and it landed on her tummy, meanwhile Dixie was dragging a partially drowned Rainbow out of a nearby river.

"Oh my Luna, Derpy wasn't that a little bit… overkill… honey" Dixie was twitching with fear. She promptly noticed that Rainbow wasn't breathing and started inhaling and breathing into Rainbow's mouth before she put her hooves and applied light pressure to Rainbow's chest.

"Sorry, I didn't know there was a river nearby and that usually never hurts anyone unless they fall into a river otherwise the fluffy sap always softens the landings" Derpy made strangely dangerous stuff like this all the time and it tended to worry Dixie.

Admittedly Dixie silently thought that Derpy's instant MUFFIN cannon was funny and that it was probably her best idea to date otherwise everything else was a little violent if comical in effect.

Derpy's invention hobby rarely comes up as she was usually following the exploits of the Sensational Six of Ponyville with her friends sometimes wanting to become part of it and make it the Sensational Seven.

Speaking of Sensational Six, Rainbow was one of them and she was currently coughing up a lot of water and until her lungs were empty but she still didn't wake up and Dixie continued to give her mouth to mouth.

Then the situation became awkward when Rainbow moved her face into Dixie's and they were kissing before Rainbow Dash backed away stammering out denials, but she wasn't exactly gagging at the thought of having mouth to mouth and that had Dixie wondering if the pony...

"Why does everyone keep thinking I swing that way" Rainbow was receiving stares from the three; after a blink, four mail ponies that were staring at her.

"Nobody said you did but you weren't complaining when you had all those roses thrown at you during the Iron Phony competition or that Dixie just gave you mouth to mouth. Mail pony regulations have us all know first aid even Ditzy… well more like especially for Ditzy as they wouldn't let her continue working until she was licensed to perform nursing duties, it was a big surprise to everyone at the post office that she managed to acquire the license" Dipsy was oddly informative and when the four ponies looked at her they all noticed her eyes were almost wide open.

"Well… this…. I… it's kind of awkward huh, anyway what do you mean Iron phony and why are my wings all messed up" Rainbow was looking to Dipsy because quite frankly she was seemingly more alert than usual and it was unnerving, they knew each other and had similar hobbies after all. Plus she had really lost her senses after the high velocity boxing glove to the face.

"Well everyone knows that an actual Iron Pony competition has rules and more than two contestants, not to mention equality among all in the sports ponies involved and as for the wings Derpy obviously used tree sap that's hard to get out of the feathers so it'll be a while before you can fly unless you can find someone to help get it all out and I humbly volunteer" Now the three other mail ponies definitely knew something was wrong with Dipsy, she was actually volunteering to do work which was unheard of.

"Come on I'll give you a lift to the village, oh and Dixie your soup is about to start burning you might want to get on that" With that Dipsy got Rainbow onto her back and she took off towards Ponyville to go find some sap solvent leaving the three other ponies sitting there. It took a moment before Dixie shot off towards the pot of vegetable soup hoping she didn't lose any flavor because she left it unattended.

Stirring the soup Dixie sighed as it hadn't been ruined, but a chill went down her spine and she was aware that a pony now knew who had the package and Dipsy was taking her back into Ponyville.

"The package, safe no more" Derpy said it before Dixie could even get it out of her mouth, so she didn't say anything and started to spoon out soup for the three of them.

After an hour Dipsy came back looking a little worse for wear, she had been doing more than helping Rainbow clean out the gunk in her wings, she painted ten fences, plucked weeds from the vegetable gardens and helped a few old ponies across the street, sure it felt good to be helping ponies but it was driving Dipsy nuts.

None of the other mail ponies commented on it or the fact that Dipsy looked to be a tad off, Dixie just heated up the left over soup for her and exclaimed that they had to pack up the Ditzy camp and find another place to stay.

By the time they were done packing up and flying away thousands of ponies started swarming the area; Dixie shuddered she knew she was next and that she was going to be made upset in some way but she had to keep a stiff upper lip as she was the one in the group currently keeping it entirely together.

Ditzy refused to carry any of her gear as she believed she could not and was constantly wilting at the fact that she still didn't feel her natural essence anymore.

Thus Derpy, Dixie and Dipsy were stuck carrying her oversized novelty stuff that Ditzy would have no problem lifting or moving it herself, they were doing it just for her sake.

They were almost into Ponyville and they were discussing where they would stay, they couldn't agree on one location that no pony ever visited at all until Dipsy hit on something that none of them considered.

"What about Ponyville's library, no one ever goes there and the unicorn that lives there has no interest in the package. We could take some space to sleep for the night as I hear she has an underground bunker, which could be useful for our cause. We can't go to our homes with the package, it has a better chance of being stolen that way. People know where we live, I also doubt I can go all night like I am right now without my friends by my side either if we split up now" the way her eyes widened another sliver when she blinked had all the mail ponies agreeing with Dipsy even if she was going a little nuts and her eyes were almost all the way open.

"Library it is, I wanted to look up a book by Leopony Da Inventchi anyway and you guys might find some interesting books to read" Following Derpy's orders they made their way carefully through Ponyville taking as many back alleys as they could and they made it to the library with the package safely in Derpy's satchel.

Knocking hoof on the door Derpy waited for the librarian who was one of the Sensational Six named Twilight Sparkle that studied magic and friendship.

Derpy thought they seriously needed a seventh pony to complete the rainbow of friendship and Derpy wanted to be that pony when she wasn't on the job or busy, she knew everything they did especially when Twilight arrived it was a magical friendship those six had.

Opening up the door to four dopey eyed winged mail delivering ponies giving her a pleading look Twilight looked at each of them individually and it didn't take long for the purple unicorn pony to cave in and let them hide in her basement.

It seemed like it was the right thing to do and Twilight even questioned if they knew what was in the package, they exclaimed that they had no clue and Twilight dropped it asking if there was anything she could do for them.

"Got the book 'Inventions of Leopony Da Inventchi' I really wanted to read it" Twilight brightened up at the thought of someone actually coming to the library for books instead of other reasons, even if these ponies were here for other reasons why not introduce them to a good book?

Ditzy eventually found a book on demolitions and currently had her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth in interest, oh how Ponyville would later weep at that.

Dipsy got a book on how to successfully be an insomniac pony by a pony named Luna Tikarse written one thousand and one years ago, hmmm…

Dixie just read holiday books and one suspiciously labeled 'How to tell if you've been kissed on purpose' which Twilight admits she read out of curiosity earning a raised brow from Dixie, but she didn't say anything about it.

The day ended quite well, except Dipsy couldn't sleep, Derpy still didn't have any muffins and Ditzy could not believe in her crazy nature anymore though the book on demolitions gave her an idea of structural integrity of buildings like never before.

Dixie dreaded the coming day before she laid down to sleep in the guest bed Twilight dragged into the basement.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4: Last day.

The next morning they didn't know what to do except for read books all day, mail ponies weren't meant to sit on their packages. Luckily Derpy knew better than to actually sit on a package or allow Ditzy to sit on it.

"I still can't believe you managed to set water on fire, you don't cook with magic you cook with love and having your nose in a book while cooking is not a good thing sometimes" Dixie had been made aware that Twilight didn't know how to cook and when she tried… bad things happened, almost as bad as Ditzy playing in tornadoes.

"Are you sure I can't make you guys breakfast, I don't want you to be a bad host and this book on hosting says I should be doing things for you not the other way around" Twilight never had so many people over that she really didn't know much about. She had been thinking about expanding her circle of friends a bit so she had an outer circle and these mail ponies were all friendly.

Well she knew of Derpy, but only because one would remember the favorite mail pony of Ponyville and that silly face she always had that brightened everyone's day, it certainly didn't seem so bright this morning.

"Don't worry about it, by the way if you don't somehow accidentally make a mixture that destroys this nice kitchen you have here, you can make the coffee. If you have a muffin flavored blend that would be highly appreciated by all of us" with that Dixie went back to working on grilled cheese and apple sandwiches with bowls of mineral enriching wheat and as a specialty because they still had the berries Derpy picked, Grass-hay hash cakes.

"Actually I do have a cinnamon muffin blend and yes I can make coffee, I'm not that bad honestly" Twilight rolled her eyes and set about making coffee with her hooves because apparently her magic got in the way of making things the right way.

"So I don't really know much about you guys, what's a mail pony's life entail and what do the four of you do exactly" the unicorn was curious and Dixie continued to shuffle about making stuff.

"Derpy Hooves is your everyday run of the mill mail pony but she's special in that she's determined to deliver happiness even if it isn't being mailed, she handles small parcels and letters really well… kind of a klutz with the larger stuff; however, her good nature seems to have faded with the loss of all the muffins in Ponyville. Ditzy Doo is well… she's a ditz but she's the best mover and heavy parcel carrier around, she kind of lost her pride in who she was two days ago and she really has been feeling down because she was involved in an accident" at that Twilight gasped at Dixie as she flipped the more horse styled pancakes.

"Is she alright, she looks kind of okay to me" as she said it Twilight said watched as the melancholy Ditzy flew slowly into the room upside down and continued to read a book on medical practices while absentmindedly fluttering about.

"No, her accident didn't go the way she thought it was supposed to and that's why she's upset. Then there's Dipsy Duh she's incredibly efficient and happens to sleep more than a narcoleptic, but no one can say she doesn't do her job right as she can do her entire days work in under ten minutes. Right now Dipsy has a horrible case of insomnia because I don't think she slept a wink all night and her eyes never should be wider than halfway, don't know what's wrong with her except the clear sign that she actually wants to do work for once" Dixie started on toasting another sandwich and Twilight was beginning to see a recurring trend here.

"Is something wrong with you too?" it wasn't that hard to see where this was going, each of them was currently not themselves and it spoke quite loudly from the way Dixie was telling it.

"Well Derpy did do something that had me worried, but there's still the rest of today to send me over the edge with the rest of them and one can only guess what that's going to be. I'm Dixie Day worst mail pony around except on holidays, I like dressing up for the fillies and I've never delivered mail to where it was supposed to go on purpose, but I'm dependable as a gofer and I can at least make sure other ponies deliver their stuff without interference if there's a chance of it existing… people say I could have any other job in the world if I wanted and that my being a mail pony seems kind of dumb since I'm no good at it, but I say neigh to another job as I'm happy where I am" Dixie smiled lightly as she called on every pony for breakfast.

Derpy shot into the room as soon as Twilight started pouring the first cup of coffee and smiled dreamily, muffin smells were wafting into the room and she noticed that it was just a flavored coffee blend but she could care less as it was muffin flavored.

After taking a few bites of food Twilight's mood shot through the roof when she usually spends most of the day complaining about how crazy Ponyville was, but the food was just too good to complain about anything at the moment.

Dixie had a new fan of her cooking not that she was a professional at it it's just one of her favorite many hobbies that her friends can enjoy.

"So… "Dixie was trying to find words to say for what they were going to do today, Derpy looked to be perking up to the muffin flavored coffee. Derpy would really have to remember to get some of this stuff for the team forties meeting room.

Leaning a back in the chair and crossing her back hooves Derpy slowly sipped the muffin brew with her eyes closed, it was glorious in flavor and it was the perfect thing to make up for the lack of actual muffins.

After breakfast they had to figure out what they had to do today, Dipsy was wigging out on her hyper active nature and had to wait until three in the afternoon because she visited Zecora the Zebra pony for a sleeping concoction yesterday.

"So where can we go, we still have to wait until tomorrow for our orders and until then this package is our responsibility unless the orders require us to carry it even further but I don't think we're going to last that long even if we've only had one attempt on the package, almost every pony in Ponyville is working against us now" though she was beginning to show some signs of stress Dixie was holding together as well as Derpy was.

"Motto" Derpy said almost immediately and the three other ponies formed up in front of her to deliver their mail pony creed, this time Ditzy was standing between both Dipsy and Dixie to make sure that at least one of them escapes unscathed when she saluted.

"Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, no one can stop a mail pony on the go!" when they went to salute Ditzy despite her funk managed to show a spark of the fact that she still had it in her to be crazy even if she didn't seem so bright and happy at the moment.

Ditzy did this by throwing up both of her front hooves in salute, both Dipsy and Dixie were knocked for a loop when they were both smacked in the face falling to their sides and Ditzy flipped forward from the loss of balances sending her hind legs smacking down onto Derpy's head causing her to flip forward and to land on top Ditzy's belly.

All four of them groaned slightly in pain, every time they did the motto this seemed to be one of the end results.

For some reason at this moment Derpy finally began to suspect that Dolly asked them to do the motto constantly just to see what Ditzy Doo did so she can smile about it and giggle at them behind their backs.

Thus Twilight had her mouth crinkling up before she burst out laughing at their antics and it was no wonder people always had nice things to say about some of the mail delivery ponies.

"MAIL PONIES OF TEAM FORTY COME OUT WITH YOUR HOOVES UP AND HAND OVER THE PACKAGE" that sounded like the mare Yorse Tooly the mayors voice and she didn't sound happy at all with the four mail ponies who were instantly getting up off the floor.

Derpy checked her mail bag; the package was still safely in her clutches and she wasn't about to give it up without a fight as she was a mail pony, no way was she going to stop when she was still on the go.

"No" was all Derpy said as she stuck her head out the door and then slammed it shut after she saw how many unicorn, winged and earth bound ponies were outside the door gathered by the mayor.

"COME OUT OR… WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING THAT WON'T BE VERY NICE" what could the mayor say they were a peaceful village and violence wasn't in most of them, but they still wanted the package very badly.

"If I give you the package are you just going to keep it for yourself or which pony will you give it too if you don't plan to do that" Derpy had an idea and was poking her head out the doorway to act on it, first step the distraction.

"Hey she's right, the mayor wants the package all to herself" A random pony in the crowd said causing a lot of ponies to started bickering amongst themselves as the domino effect took place as the gathering started to effectively fall out of the mayors control.

It started to degenerate into an every pony for themselves kind of deal as the crowd continued to argue while not paying attention to the library as long as they had the front door guarded.

Derpy having closed the door turned to see Dixie sadly sitting in the corner.

"What's wrong Dixie?" Dixie looked up glumly at Derpy.

"I have an extreme dislike of conflicts and I don't like all the fighting going on out there, this is happening just because I'm the only on the team left who hasn't had to many problems" Derpy set a comforting hoof around Dixie and smiled cheerfully, Dixie wasn't going to lose it too badly as long as no pony got hurt but she was already crying and couldn't stop, they had just caused a riot even if it was mostly verbal rioting.

"Nonsense, come on we're going to fly out the back windows if that's okay with you Twilight" Twilight nodded to Dipsy and set about to open the back window but before she did she realized something, how did the ponies know that the mail delivery team was here?

"Hey Twilight you okay in there, are they holding you hostage or something, open up" Oh of course, Spike the baby dragon must have spilled the beans and Twilight was a mad about it but she had no time.

She really didn't want her neat and tidy library messed up again, these four needed to leave as she didn't want a bunch of ponies to storm her living quarters; she really liked living out of a library and would like to continue to do so.

The four winged ponies flew out of the library forming into a diamond formation; actually with Ditzy's flying it was less of a diamond and more of an odd quadrilateral every other second.

"QUIET, they're getting away after them" quite a few Pegasus ponies shot after the mail ponies as they were flying high over Ponyville.

"Derpy, I would like to humbly suggest street level evasive maneuvers Ditzy should be fine on her own as I doubt anyone will be catching or following her anytime soon" As that was said by Dipsy the other not mail delivery winged ponies were catching up and fast.

Derpy quickly nodded in acceptance of the plan, so the three of them dove towards street levels spiraling until they leveled off flying at high speeds down the streets of Ponyville, with two of the winged ponies managing to catch up to the three of them.

The two chasers didn't last very long when Ditzy drove one into a large mud puddle and barrel rolled into the next one sending them both tumbling into the randomly placed small hoofmade pillow factory, which as soon as the three formation following ponies were done flying past it Ditzy flew out the other side of it without a single scratch on her from the tumble.

Derpy getting a look inside the factory saw a dazed and confused pegasus tied up in threads that didn't know what hit her, as nobody could expect the poneish inquisition or Ditzy's odd flying habits.

Speaking of odd Ditzy was in front of her flying backwards upside down and with her wings flapping for forward movement and she was moving at their speed and wasn't slowing down in the least.

Deciding not to consider her friends ability to break the laws of flying physics they made their way to an almost empty Sugar Cane Junction into the Sugar Cube Corner shop, they went inside and shut the door behind them and looked at the only two ponies in the shop.

"Land sakes what's the rush all about" Upon seeing the speaker Derpy glared and pointed a hoof at her and showed a snarl on her face, she was a blonde ground bound pony with an orange coat and was wearing a cowpony hat. She reared back slightly from the glare she was getting, her name was Applejack.

Seeing Derpy scuff her hoof on the ground getting ready to charge, Applejack held up her hooves and started to say a constant stream of apologies.

"Hey I said I was sorry about the muffins and I promised that I wouldn't make any more do ya have to be so antagonistic towards me Derpy" Applejack remembered a few nights ago when Dixie worked for a meal with her friends, Derpy never stopped shooting her glares the entire time and she was holding a very, very deep rooted grudge against the apple farming rodeo pony.

"Hey guys need a place to hide, do you? Huh, do you? I know just the place" Pinkie knew why they were here and she knew that Rarity just missed her chance to try and steal the package, she was the only one left of her closest friends that was still trying to get it.

Rainbow gave up after Dixie saved her life and went into seclusion for a while, something about writing a speech that she was going to address to all of Ponyville.

The shop did good business with the mail ponies coming and going through Ponyville so Pinkie didn't want to try to steal the package, bad for business and she liked these particular ponies especially Ditzy who looked to still be frowning.

Applejack didn't care at all and she was more worried about being stomped into the ground by a rightfully angry mail pony that took her muffins way too seriously.

"Appreciated" It was the only thing Derpy had to say to Pinkie as she led them to a room to hide as a bunch of Pegasus ponies entered the shop and asked Applejack if she's seen any of the Four D's delivery team.

"Well they did pass by me and continued on their way, they looked a might bit panicked" some people said Applejack was a bad at telling lies, but they said nothing about her omitting the truth when needed.

"Okay if they pass by here again you'll tell us right" Obviously the winged ponies didn't think Applejack meant they literally walked by her with Pinkie and into the shop's back room.

After a nod the two ponies flew off to search the area saying that the mail ponies couldn't have gotten too far.

After a rousing rendition of "Pinkie Pie sings a cheery song" trying to cheer them up Pinkie started to tell them some things they already knew as a pep talk.

"Derpy you're the most bestest mail pony in all of Ponyville your goofy smiles and determination to make things right makes everyone happy to have you around, also I like it when you do the paper airplane thing with the mail. Ditzy, sure you come in second place to me every year at our particular competition but everyone loves your antics and even I don't think I could top the thing with the ladder; you really should have won this year. Dipsy, you're always so reliable in a pinch and you're the fastest pony around but you never want to steal Dash's thunder. I wouldn't know why you would want to steal her farts anyway and you know lots of neat stuff about everyone. Dixie, you're the sweetest thing since Applejacks double triple fudge decker apple tart sundae supreme and everyone loves your kindness plus you're someone to look up to for Fluttershy and it is any wonder she follows you around trying to mimic your ability to socialize, also you give me the extra muffin of the six you bake every time you make them in the morning. You guys are the best team ever except for our team of the six elements of friendship or was it harmony; darn the executives for meddling in our pony business, which we rarely ever use anyway and you should buck up; AS I KNOW FOR A FACT, you're not quitters and mail ponies never quit I should know because your still going aren't you guys and you haven't quit your current job of carrying that package yet have you. Now come on and tell auntie Pinkie what's your motto is" Pinkie might be a motor mouth but she knew just what to say, she happened to be a motivational speaker and maybe a backup dispatcher once in a while for some mail ponies and these guys needed her talents, she had to have a reason to own that hot air balloon after all and these four needed a private party.

The following accident caused by the glum Ditzy had everyone laughing. Even Derpy couldn't be mad at Applejack with how funny things turned out after that, what with the apple farmer getting caught in the accident and all.

Despite all this, three of them wouldn't sleep very well.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5: Before it all goes to… Cloudsdale.

Dolly was busy helping rebuild a house after yesterdays package scrounging disaster took down the post office. She was busy looking everywhere for her dispatched team under the guise of supporting mail ponies whose homes were accidentally wrecked in the mostly nonviolent riot.

They had very keen differences that set them apart other than their personality flaws and appearance, only Dolly could tell them apart without seeing their flanks.

Ditzy had more defined muscles with slightly larger wings, Dixie had a small amount of hardly noticed freckles and Dipsy she could spot from a mile away no matter the circumstance as she was more streamlined and vaguely smaller than the others plus Dolly's known her for a long time.

In fact Dolly had been around for Ditzy and Dixie's flank symbols when they appeared, she knew what they meant in the loosest of terms.

Dolly however didn't know of Derpy's origin or how she got her symbol, all she knew was that the pony reveled in being seen by everyone and was looking for a job when she met Dolly after she got hers as a dispatcher.

Her life was never the same and she had to literally drag Dipsy into it from Cloudsdale, which is where her little mail ponies needed to go now but she couldn't find them after yesterdays package finding fallout took down the mailing office, they also must be having problems reaching her for their next set of instructions.

"HI DOLLY" Dolly shot straight up and slammed her head against a low hanging cloud knocking off a lazing pegasus from his perch, who Dolly immediately apologized too.

"Pinkie how many times have I told you not to come up behind me and then yell loudly" Dolly had an anger mark forming on her head, while Pinkie gave it some thought.

"Five thousand six hundred and ninety seven times, but it's really important this time and I need to talk to you about some very important business…. some comparisons were never spoken so loudly doll face…" Pinkie Pie had a thing for being around winged ponies and it was rumored she might eventually marry a nice high flying stallion, she however tended to scare the winged so easily with her flighty fun fulfilling fanaticism though.

"Okay you have my attention with the code words pie face, whinny me something in B minor…" Pinkie got shifty eyed before she started singing in a cheery tone but the words she were singing were for Dolly's convenience, mail dispatchers had their own secret system other than that strange society of crazy ponies Ditzy and Pinkie were a part of.

After finishing her song Dolly nodded to Pinkie, she dragged the earth pony around the corner in an angry and embarrassed manner before she started looking around sneakily to make sure no other pony was around she hoofed Pinkie a large elongated cardboard shipping box and a letter.

"Tell them to deliver this to Cloudsdale, then to set out for Canterlot. They need to ask the guards there for a Miss LT and to say 'London Bridge is flying up' to them, the guards will know what it means and make sure that Ditzy is carrying this box when they get on their way" Pinkie nodded and gave a silly salute and smile. She had a slight problem with picking up the box to give to Dolly's mail ponies, but at least the letter was simple enough to tie down to the box with a rubber band or two.

Making her way back to Sugar Cube Corner Pinkie acted as natural as possible, which was being hyperactive, crazy and maybe a complete ditz while carrying a cumbersome long box with her.

Making her way inside and knowing that the her employers weren't going to be around for a while she entered the back room to see the mail team playing cards and wondered who was winning.

"If you're wondering, it's Derpy" The usually lazy pony said turning her forcibly half lidded eyes to Pinkie as she set the new package and letter on the floor.

Dipsy; the poor pony, only got four hours of sleep last night and that was with the double potency of the stuff Zecora made for her; Applejack received it in her name, she burned through it all rather quickly with the worry for her friends alone as there was enough of it to knock a normal pony out for eighteen hours.

After being told that they had another package to deliver with a letter on the way to Canterlot the ponies looked amongst themselves and sighed.

"How are we going to get out of Ponyville the streets are being watched, the skies are covered and unicorns can knock us down before we get too far into the air" It was a good question and they started arguing to Dixie's worry, getting out of Ponyville with the package was going to be a problem.

Derpy just stopped and took up a thinkers pose, her wings splayed out a bit every now and then as her front left hoof sat under her chin and her front right hoof was propping it up. The argument before her from her three coworkers was getting rather heated as they had a counterargument for anything they could come up with, Derpy's tongue stuck out of the side of her mouth as she garnered more of her concentration.

After a moment Derpy clapped her hooves together and smiled her ever so eloquent smile with one of her eyes tracing the ceiling, the other ponies stopped arguing and stared at her as she opened her mouth to say something important.

"Idea" with that all she did was set about dragging Pinkie from the room with the smile still on her face and her mail bag slung over her body.

Later four cloaked figures can be sneaking through the alleyways and making their way towards the edge of Ponyville.

"Oh come on this is never going to work; all of Ponyville can't possibly fall for this" one cloaked figure said to the other as the four of them poked their heads around a building making sure the coast was clear they trotted out "And why not, it seems like a perfectly well laid out plan to me".

Each of the cloaked figures had a personality, one was standing tall except the hood stuck out a bit, one was moving without fear, another was bouncing a bit and the last one was bring up the rear shaking like a leaf.

As they made their way out of Ponyville they wondered if they would get away with this and nobody was really watching their exit, when suddenly male and female ponies started pouring out everywhere surrounding them, wings flapped, unicorn horns glowed and earth ponies were preparing to charge or pounce on the four of them.

The mayor was suddenly in front of them and she looked pleased with herself after pushing her way through the crowd.

"You thought you could sneak out of Ponyville just like that; HAH, hand over the package right now" the grey and beige mayor Yorse was waiting for them to try and sneak out of town in suspicious looking cloaks.

"What package we don't have any package" soon the four cloaked figures pulled off their hoods to reveal that they weren't the mail ponies, it was Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy and Pinkie "In fact I don't have any idea what you're talking about".

The mayor couldn't believe that she had been outsmarted by someone she initially deemed a tad dumb, because she would never think Derpy had it in her to come up with a good plan.

"Oh so this was your plan was it" pointing to Twilight the mayor waited for to say it was only to get a headshake that she didn't plan this "What about you or you".

"Nope afraid not" Applejack stated with clear honesty that she didn't plan this and Fluttershy squeaked at all the scrutiny she was getting and hid behind her friends, the shy thing actually liked wearing a cloak as it made her feel safer around others.

"Oh my, what garish cloaks, come by my boutique later so I can make them into something more fashionable I won't have my friends wearing something so horrid" A white coated curly purple haired unicorn walked up and she put a hoof on Fluttershy's cloak testing the materials, obviously she missed her chances at ever getting the package.

"I should have guessed Pinkie, only someone like you could have possibly…" before the mayor could get too far along her train of thought Pinkie stopped her cold.

"Nope, nein, not me, wasn't anything I did as far I can see, nothing doing, can't say that I did…" what Pinkie was doing was stalling and she had the entire crowd's attention because every time she sings and dances they had to wonder where the music came from or why she looked like she had great choreography for it already planned out. The distraction was perfect and the tune was interesting to say the least.

Meanwhile Derpy's team was already four miles away and gaining distance, they were well on their way to Cloudsdale, not a stormy cloud in sight and they were all okay for flying.

"Derpy, that was a great plan, having everyone in town notice four cloaked ponies scattering from Sugar Cube Corner and then coming together to leave town only to be four of what you call the sensational six, you're really smart" it was true that the plan was rather nifty and Derpy was blushing at Dixie's praise even after she upset her with her APPLE launcher nearly drowning one of said six and starting a mostly verbal riot in Ponyville that incidentally destroyed the post office.

In all they managed to escape without anyone getting hurt too badly or coming to permanent harm; exception being a few destroyed houses and their workplace, so far things were looking up even if their morale was already at an all time low.

Derpy was the one fairing the best out of the four of them, she was able to live without muffins for a while but she wouldn't be able to keep it up forever, she was sure there were muffins in Cloudsdale and then things would be much better.

Derpy's right eye twitched as she looked at the colt working behind the counter, her eyes were almost catching on fire and after inhaling deeply, then slowly exhaling she calmed down.

"Got any muffin flavored coffee blends" the brown winged colt nodded meekly to her, he never met a pony who could catch the counter on fire just by looking at it before. It was a good thing Cloudsdale was a highly fire proof city in the sky, being almost seventy percent of it was made out of clouds making it an impressive feat that the winged pony set the counter on fire even if temporarily in the first place.

After getting four drinks she made her way over to the table at the Sky Time café, Derpy was not a happy camper finding out that there were no muffins to be had here either.

Dixie tried to voice her sincerest regrets but Derpy held a hoof up to her stalling any forthcoming words of sympathy.

Dipsy was about to try and apply logic to this only to get Derpy's other hoof raised to her and Ditzy knew better than to try and say anything at that point, they all quietly drank their coffee with the three of them shooting worried looks at Derpy.

That pony was scary when she didn't have any muffins; her cheerful smile was kind of off putting now as they watched her enjoy her coffee.

Later still carrying the letter and long box Ditzy watched as Derpy put on her best smile, Ditzy couldn't stop shooting Derpy looks of worry behind her back after the little setting a counter on fire incident and people thought she did strange things.

They left Dipsy to watch THE PACKAGE with Dixie; they could handle an overnight stay in Cloudsdale without any problems. It didn't seem like the locals were after the package and Canterlot was not too far from Cloudsdale.

Dipsy knew Cloudsdale quite well and given she had friends and family here, they definitely had a place to stay and with that knowledge Derpy knew that they had to at least have muffins. There was no way the trend of no muffins anywhere could possibly continue this long and Dipsy's family must have them right?

Looking at the address on the letter Derpy confirmed this was the place and pulled out her clipboard, when making a package delivery someone needed to sign it to make sure the package arrived to its destination intact and efficiently with speed. Which was rather concerning about THE PACKAGE as Dolly already signed off on it.

She put her hoof to the door and rapped it several times.

"Just a minute…" the voice inside sounded groggy, grouchy and somewhat sad, considering the location was on the outskirts of Cloudsdale this person must not have had many visitors.

"YEAH WHAT DO YOU… huh…" the two figures just stared at each other for a moment, Derpy had to wonder what this Griffon was doing in Cloudsdale around so many ponies but she wouldn't question it.

"Are you Miss G.G.? If so then sign here someone sent you a package, also you have a letter" Derpy gave a cheery smile that hid a terrible ferocity at not having muffins that Ditzy was all too aware of now.

"Who in the world could possibly know that I… never mind give me that" the griffon signed the clipboard and then Ditzy flew the package into the domicile with the letter attached and gave the griffon a cheery smile as well before slamming into the border of the cloud homes doorway and then fluttering dazedly out.

"Okay that should do it have a nice day ma'am. Oh... and I hope you eventually make up and be friends with Rainbow Dash again, just so you know I like you even if you're trying to be all cool and scary" with that Ditzy and Derpy flew away having completed their business leaving a shocked Griffon behind.

Gilda the griffon couldn't believe she heard that someone was actually missing her after the way she acted; she felt a tear coming to her eyes before she squashed it trying to keep any sissy feelings out of her head she turned to the letter and used her front left claw to slit it open and pulled out the letter inside.

After reading it and then opening the cardboard box she got the surprise of a lifetime "OH, NOW THIS IS COOL! Maybe I was wrong about ponies being lame… and maybe I should make it up to Dash".

When Derpy and Ditzy made it to the place Dipsy had volunteered them to stay for the night they discovered something about Dipsy's family that she really didn't want them to know about. Apparently they were all muffin haters and it took all of both Ditzy and Dixie's strength just to keep Derpy quiet, never has there ever been a pony madder than her at that moment.

Eventually Derpy managed to keep herself civil but she wasn't happy about it.

Dipsy explained how she was the black sheep of the family in eating muffins; she however did not mention also having a slight drinking problem not that she ever let it be shown in front of anyone that she hits the lemonade hard and quite often. She likes nice smooth lemonade where the lemons are balanced nicely with the rest of the drink freshly squeezed, no pulp and stirred preferably, maybe with some extra sugar or strawberry essence sometimes.

Dolly was the reason she ended up in Ponyville in the first place where she was a lot happier and closer to the ground where she didn't need to work her wings as she was lazy like that. Most importantly the lemonade stands were a lot better when you have earth ponies freshly stomping lemons for such a decadent drink for the currently sleep deprived pony.

As they prepared for bed Dipsy was brushing out Derpy's mane and apologizing for her family's close minded non muffin eating ways, not that it wasn't the only food they banned from eating but it was the most important of note to Derpy. They also had a thing against drinking lemonade, another reason why Dipsy took a job far away from them.

"It's okay, I'm fine, Canterlot better have muffins and they just got to have them! I mean can you imagine a princess not eating a muffin for breakfast? They have tons of bakers for that sort of stuff no way can they actually be out of muffins too" Dipsy sighed at Derpy's continuing tirade about muffins and continued to stroke out the both angry and sad Derpy's lime blonde mane and she looked over to see Dixie in disarray.

Apparently letting Ditzy brush your mane and tail out before bed wasn't the greatest idea in the world, especially when you see a fluffy sun like sheep in the bathroom that was once a friend of yours, it was any wonder that they never bothered to groom each other before now when they took care of it themselves so well.

"Don't laugh at me please; I'm not enjoying Ditzy's idea of ridiculously cute and fluffy" slowly Dixie worked the brush through Ditzy mane but it was rather hard doing so as the pony just couldn't sit still for more than a minute.

"We're not going to laugh, I'm going to be up all night without medication and do you realize what that feels like? Let me give you guys a hint… sleep deprivation isn't fun, especially for someone like me" Dipsy wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight, she'd close her eyes but she wouldn't hit sleep at all.

"I hope we see a satisfied customer at the end of all this, it is almost as good as getting a muffin" with that Derpy yawned and crawled into a guest bed to fall asleep on her stomach closing her wings to her sides, Ditzy and Dixie followed her lead after Dixie managed to get her mane back to normal.

As the lights were turned out a pair of eyes stayed open, watching out for the package in constant vigilance making sure nothing would get into Derpy's bag, not even a flying mouse and those things were pretty annoying.


	7. Chapter 7

Author note: In a minute my favorite minion Sir will be smashed over the head with the world's stiffest French baguette… please tell me if you like this chapter, it might not go how I wanted it to and my plot writing tends to fail around this point. (At least I'm aware of it, I need to know what I have to fix with this chapter)

Chapter 6: Wonder Colts.

Derpy had dragged them off as fast as she could as soon as she woke up; she couldn't spend another minute in house full of muffin disliking blasphemers.

After a quick breakfast at a nearby restaurant they were well on their way to Canterlot, there weren't any muffins at the restaurant either and thus Derpy was moody, not that her friends blamed her.

As they left the restaurant after finishing breakfast a Griffon was seen sitting on a cloud watching them as they flew away towards Canterlot, it turned its back on the mail ponies and flew off without so much as a second glance.

As they stretched their wings they were on their way flying in their triangular formation, Ditzy was somewhere behind them flying in her usual zigzagging loopy patterns. It was a cloudy if relatively sunny day perfect for a flying Pegasus formation and no harsh weather clouds.

"Well things should be easy going from here" looking at her you couldn't tell Dipsy had been awake for more than twenty four hours, but she was tired of being awake constantly and she tried to keep her stress well hidden behind a seemingly bored attitude.

"Thankfully that's just because no one in Cloudsdale was interested the package; I just hope there are no more riots or violence, you still have the package right Derpy" pulling out the package and showing it to Dixie, Derpy made it known that she indeed still had it.

Derpy reacted quickly to pull it out the path of a swooping figure that slammed through a cloud below her. She quickly stuffed the package back in her mail bag and waited for whoever it was that tried to take it from her.

"I missed, well now I guess we have to do this the hard way, come on guys lets introduce ourselves to these fine mares" Suddenly the three winged ponies were surrounded by five other winged ponies that were wearing similar jagged blue and yellow lightning themed uniforms with cloud diving goggles. They came out of the surrounding clouds while the one that had been talking flew up in front of them.

Of the six this one was wearing a uniform with a winged lightning bolt on the flank marking him as the flight leader, Dixie knew who he was and she glared at him slightly, he had a black mane and tail his coat was hard to decipher under the full body suit. Four others were marked with just lightning bolts they were left and right wing flyers, of the tails and manes they had were orange, yellow and two with an average light brown. The one with a cloud encompassing a lightning bolt was the rear guard with a green mane and tail.

"Hello we are the Wonderbolts reserve squad T, today we came out here to steal a package… I mean it is open season is it not and there really aren't any wyverns or dangerous things in the air today so if you'll give that package to us we'll be on our way, besides we're not supposed to be fighting civilians and we wouldn't want to ruin your oh so adorable looks now would we" Looking him in the eye Derpy glared at him for even thinking that he'd ever get away with taking the package over her muffin-less, bruised and bloodied body.

"Never" Dixie and Dipsy flew in front of Derpy as she cuddled her personal mail bag to her body.

"Oh, didn't see you there Dixie you really would have made a good Guardian you know, sorry we have to meet again like this" The leader Kreg knew he had the mail ponies outnumbered six to three, where in the world was Ditzy?

"You're not sorry at all Kreg Blitz and I think I made the right choice, I like where I am and I refuse to start a fight with you but I also refuse to allow you to hurt my friends, aren't you supposed to be a protector to the people" Kreg stopped approaching and Dixie stayed in front of him keeping her hooves crossed in a pouting angry manner.

"Yes well we're aware this is not exactly nice, but it's THE package and we got nothing better to do. So we'll be zapping you to the point where we can get it without any interference so this may sting a little, LIGHTNING UP GUYS" With that all six of the Wonderbolts scooped up a bits of nearby cloud and slowly crushed it between their hooves. Soon all six of them had lightning covered hooves and they were positively glowing with energy.

"Uh… Derpy" Both Dipsy and Derpy looked like they were ready to fight and Dixie really didn't like where this was going. Dixie did not want to be shocked, even if it won't kill it'd still hurt a lot and if they hit hard enough they might actually draw blood.

These were some of the best flyers in Equestria and they were using their talents against a group of mail ponies, had they no shame?

"Last chance what's it going to be" closing her eyes Derpy flew forward slowly putting her hooves behind her back and smiling. When she got close she threw her left hoof as hard as she could into Kreg's face and then shot off at high speeds with Dipsy and Dixie following her lead.

Kreg was rubbing his face and motioned for his team to set off after them, let it not be said that Derpy didn't have a good left hoof and she just caught him by surprise is all.

"Derpy you better have a plan these are Wonderbolts we're dealing with here, don't expect me to outrun them in my condition and I hardly doubt we can take too much of their electrical wonder blast parade they happen to be starting here" Derpy suddenly turned sharply downward causing Dipsy too as well. Several spheres of energy ripped through the area they had just been flying.

"Not only that Dipsy, we can't outmaneuver them forever or even come close to matching their strength" Dixie jerked to the right as an energy blast nearly slammed into her left wing, the energy just grazed her side causing her to feel tingly.

"How do you know that guy anyway" Dipsy quickly darted into Derpy knocking her out of the way of an energy blast after she had already dodged another.

Dipsy's actions were suddenly followed by a flick roll maneuver from right to left picking up bits of cloud that; after she had stopped rolling, formed into a free floating cloud right behind them absorbing several energy blasts before dissipating.

"We were friends in Herd School; Hoofston, for some reason he and quite a lot of people just can't seem to accept the fact that I never wanted to be a Guardian. I think I was the only one in Nature Altering Sciences and Applications class that year" the pony formerly known as Dipsy went wide eyed and she stared at Dixie with a disbelieving stare, the news was just that shocking.

"How well did you do in that class exactly…" they were still in the middle of dodging bolts of energy and the six colts quickly catching up to them, in another minute they would be within tagging range.

"Passed with flying col… eep!" Dixie nearly got an electrified hoof to the back courtesy of Kreg himself if she didn't pull a corkscrew and rammed him into from the opposite side from whence he approached her. He slammed straight into a passing cloud where the front half of his body got stuck with his hind legs wiggling helplessly in the air.

"And you wonder why people want you to become a Guardian" flying down close to the expanse of clouds they were flying over Dipsy kicked up a wall made of cloud from the canopy below them that blocked another spray of energy bolts from striking them, it also stopped the four chasers from getting immediately at them as they slammed into it, slowing them down.

Dipsy missed seeing the rear guard silently coming down on her as she flew up to rejoin Derpy and Dixie.

"LOOK OUT" the pony being yelled about didn't know what hit her as she was shoved roughly to the side.

When she righted herself she saw Derpy had a scorch mark on her back running slightly up her left wing and she was spiraling out of control towards clouds. She bounced several times before skidding to a stop on her side where she clenched her jaw to keep from screaming out as the electricity drained out of her body and into the clouds. It was a good thing clouds were ridiculously soft and that Pegasus can walk or land on them in any circumstance of awareness.

"Oh man; this is my fault, I wasn't alert because I've been awake for too long… well Duh… how can you live with..." a screaming worried Dixie was already shooting towards where Derpy was. Derpy was slowly getting onto her hooves and managed to avoid getting struck by her assaulter again.

Soon Derpy was galloping along the clouds unable to fly because her left wing was limp and numb. She was trying her best to avoid the lightning powered hooves striking out at her. The colt nearly struck her again stopping her forward progress as she backpedalled away from the glowing hoof that lashed out a few inches from hitting her face.

The green haired colt soon received a hard buck to the face knocking him away from Derpy and Dixie started to coddle Derpy with by wrapping her hooves protectively around her friend.

"I'm fine, we keep going" shoving a surprised Dixie off of herself Derpy continued to gallop along the clouds, it was a lot slower then flying and at this rate they'd be caught. Dipsy and Dixie wouldn't abandon Derpy leaving her stuck up here.

Taking up positions over Derpy, Dixie and Dipsy watched as three of the Wonderbolts squad formed up behind them and were doing something odd with their hooves and a large amount of energy was forming up between them as they flew towards the mail delivery ponies on the run.

"THEY'RE FORMING AN IONIC FLASH" Dipsy almost fluttered away from Dixie's yell because it spooked her as they continued to stay near the clouded Derpy as she ran as fast as she could on the lumpy soft cushiony terrain.

"Ionic flash, what's that going to do? Doesn't sound so dangerous" Dixie suddenly gripped Dipsy's face with both her hooves as they continued forward.

"Are you kidding me, if we get caught in the blast the sensitive nervous system in our wings will shut down we'll be stuck up here without the ability to deliver the package and we're open season for them after that and they'll get the package" looking back they could see the three holding a slowly expanding sphere of energy between them, Dipsy made a disparaging remark under her breath that this would hurt.

"Well what's to stop them from getting caught in the blast" It was surprising to hear Derpy's voice sound so strong despite the ugly bruising hoof mark forming on her back inside the blackened mark.

"They are WONDERBOLTS Derpy; their suits are designed for tough customers such as wyverns and to handle any kind of weather phenomenon. Which is the only reason why they can get away with doing a stunt like that, so got any bright ideas" Dipsy motioned behind them with her head as emphasis as they were gaining quickly and the sphere of energy was growing larger.

Derpy kept charging forward, she participated in the running of the leaves because she was into athletics and because she truly wanted to know how Applejack and Dash were going to do in the race, she rooted for Rainbow Dash.

She had placed in fourth during that excursion ahead of Twilight Sparkle who did surprisingly well for someone who read from a book on how to run, when it should be second nature.

"Could we rupture it with something and stay out of range" they were looking to Dixie to answer Derpy's question.

"Not unle…" before Dixie could get too far, they heard a voice of someone they haven't seen since this all started.

"WAHOO" Ditzy shot up from below and like a shot she flew by them all at a ridiculous speed.

"Was that…" Derpy started slowly as she kept up her pace.

"Ditzy with a…" Dixie continued flying on looking as perplexed as Derpy.

"With her head stuck in the middle of a thirteen step metal ladder? Where in the world would she even find one of those all the way…" before any of the three of them could get any further they felt as much as heard an electrical explosion go off behind them, causing them all to get blinded temporarily.

And when they opened their eyes and looked behind, they skidded to a halt seeing a large hole in the clouds and three slowly recovering Wonderbolts slowly trying to sit up, but no Ditzy.

Before any of them could shout about how Ditzy must be falling to her doom, Derpy pointed skyward.

Looking up Dipsy and Dixie gasped and watch as a flailing Ditzy complete her upward arc and it looked like she was trying to fly but her wings weren't responding, but her legs looked fine.

Slowly she took control of her fall by rolling into a ball and then she hit the clouds rolled towards them and then pulled out of the roll with multiple consecutive pirouettes and then threw her hooves into the air as she stopped in front of them standing on her two hind hooves. She took a bow before promptly falling backwards.

"Smarts that yippee" it was a little odd that Ditzy could suddenly sit up; after all that who else could, spooking all three of them and they watched as she prodded her wings with a hoof.

"One hour" then trotting over to Derpy, Ditzy looked over her injury.

"That's it, you only lose your ability to fly for an hour from that, it was an explosion of electricity and you had a metal ladder around your head and that's all it did" quite frankly Dipsy was a little skeptical that even Ditzy could walk away from something like that without so much as a scratch and just limp noodle wings for a short while.

"Six… " well that didn't seem like such bad a prognosis for Derpy coming from Ditzy.

"Hours? That doesn't seem so bad" when Dixie was answered with a frown she knew Ditzy didn't mean hours.

"Days… four with some medical attention, two with a unicorn that specializes in healing magic, one minute with the princesses" Derpy didn't think she took a hit that bad, but then again this was from the pony who had to pass a nurse licensing test to stay on as a mail pony.

"Just hand over the package already, bad enough that one of our guys is unconcious and has a concussion and that two you of you can't fly anymore. I really dislike where this is going and you guys can't do more than passive protesting at this point unless you all want to be stuck sitting in these clouds. Oh and you have a really good left hoof crazy eye" Kreg was joined with four others and one of the four was hauling the out cold green haired colt on his back. That one was bleeding from his nose and had a lump on his forehead that was visible under his clothing.

Derpy glared at him protectively hugging her mail bag and Ditzy stumbled slightly to stand at her side while her eyes crossed, Dixie and Dipsy hung in the air above them. Of the things Derpy could do now was give up as her and her friends' health was at stake, however she couldn't give orders to let the package go and she most certainly wouldn't let it go on purpose. They were all equally determined to make this delivery.

Kreg took the unconscious pony from the wing man and had the four of them charge up their hooves.

"Look we could be jerks about this and do much worse to you by dropping the clouds out from underneath you, use our more powerful moves and stuff. Just be glad that we're not trying actively hurt you too much and this is going to be an uncomfortable evening for us as it will be for you…" four launched spheres of energy scorched through the air flattening three of the four mail ponies after striking them in the chests.

Ditzy stayed standing and moved forward in front of Derpy and an angry look came to her eyes, not many ever saw Ditzy angry as she was the joker of the group, the joyfully childish one and she just took a bolt of energy to the chest without flinching. She sure didn't feel strong enough herself, but she felt strong enough for her friends.

"Make sure she can't get any leverage to fight back and I'll get the package" Kreg carefully placed the knocked out colt on the cloud floor and Ditzy soon found her hooves being pulled on from all sides by four Wonderbolts holding her in the air. She struggled with no avail and was summarily dropped onto the clouds after Kreg retrieved the package from Derpy's mail bag while she watched.

At least he didn't do anything worse and wasn't too condescending, he seemed actually remorseful about this. Whose orders was he under anyways? Ditzy thought something wasn't right about them being intercepted like this, why would Wonderbolts be after the package? Was it filled with the world's most wonderful tasting everlasting gobstoppers?

He didn't seem as horrible as he appeared to be acting, but then again Ditzy was the only one awake to witness it as he looked genuinely worried about his bloody nosed friend. He went back to pick him up personally after handing the package off to one of his subordinates. Before they took off he gave her a look that seem to say sorry for all the trouble and injuries.

They flew overhead and Ditzy sighed moving over to her friends as she watched them start to fly off and were only twenty feet away where she couldn't get to them.

They… they had lost the package.


	8. Chapter 8

Author note: I decided to go with a cheap turaround chapter, hope you kept your expectations low. Because I could have done so much more with the story, but quite frankly Derpy and her team aren't trained for hoof to hoof combat and I'm not good at writing. I'm good at having ideas and then not using them.

Chapter 7: End of the rainbow.

Slowly Derpy was waking up, she knew they had failed to protect the package and… why did it feel like she was moving? Sitting up Derpy looked to see Ditzy pushing the cloud the three of them were sitting on and sighed sadly.

Ditzy looked up from her cloud pushing to see Derpy awake and she smiled brightly. What did Ditzy have to smile about, they failed and it seemed her wings were better.

"Almost there" Ditzy said with a cheery voice and Derpy just stared at her… almost where? Turning around she saw the splendor that was Canterlot the castle and town built on and into the side of a mountain. The population was mainly unicorn and winged ponies and rarely the occasional earth pony.

"Why" she seriously wanted to know why Ditzy was so cheerful, the package was stolen.

"Check bag" Ditzy said with a cheerful hum, Derpy looking into her mail bag balked a bit upon seeing what was inside it.

"How" Derpy pulled out the package, the wrapping was undisturbed and everything.

"Friends, many places" giving an odd look to her wild friend, Derpy decided not to ask what even happened when the three of them were knocked out.

"Can I get a diagnosis? Are Dipsy and Dixie okay" Ditzy actually looked a little down at that.

"Dipsy not good, Dixie okay and… you're in pain…" Ditzy was receiving a glare from Derpy for the sudden change and flat tone that entered into her voice when it came to mentioning her injury. Ditzy looked away like she was being scolded as she continued to steer the cloud in the right direction, it was quite heavy and it wasn't like she hasn't moved things this way before. It was just a really slow method.

"You seem better" it was just an observation that Derpy had and she didn't want the rest of this ride to be quiet.

"Big accident, joyful" well Ditzy was happy to have her crazy attitude readjusted back to normal after having another completely unexplainable ladder incident, even she didn't know where she got it.

"When we get to Canterlot we're going to an infirmary first, the package can wait" Giving Derpy a bunch of floppy headed nods Ditzy continued to push the cloud down into Canterlot.

Derpy silently considered if what she did was right, she had stopped but it was for goods reasons.

Dipsy was too tired to carry her mail bag or avoid the Wonderbolts, Dixie would never have gotten it to the right place; not that she didn't believe in her muffin making friend, and Ditzy had disabled her own wings by accident and thus they had no other choice but to stand tall in front of a wave of electrical blasts. It was either that or incur worse injuries fighting trained professionals and they were mail ponies not Guardians, Wonderbolts or the sensational six. They did have some weather altering skills but that could only be used as stalling tactics, they were still non combatants even if they were tough non combatants.

Apparently those guys didn't get the package after disabling all of them and it's likely been more than an hour since she was knocked flat from a electric bolt of energy to the chest, otherwise Ditzy wouldn't be pushing the cloud into Canterlot.

It must have been hard to move this cloud on her own she was usually sent to find the southern flying birds during winter wrap up as part of the nature teams.

Ditzy wasn't allowed near the weather teams work area for multiple reasons and last year she brought birds that didn't even fly south, maybe this year they would put her on the snow clearing teams as she should be strong enough to push a plow.

Derpy had let her mind wander for too long and she fell over face first into the fluffy cloud as it came to a rest on the landing ports of Canterlot with a sudden jerk.

The cloud was resting on top of one of the many landing balconies dotted throughout the outer edge of the castle town; it was mainly used by Pegasus, balloonists, other modes of transportation and thrill seekers who happened to have all their consent forms signed for whatever activity they might be involved in.

Stepping off the cloud Derpy felt good to be on some stable ground; then again in the event of an earthquake or a code 'Ditzy' parts of Canterlot might be at the bottom of the mountain by the end of the day. The fact that there were trained ponies in the unlikely event that Ditzy somehow managed to doom Canterlot by accident was a tad unnerving. Which was about as unnerving as Celestia having a file labeled 'Ditzy level disasters' that Dolly had told them about and most of it wasn't even about Ditzy at all, it just happened to be named after her.

Shaking her head Derpy walked around the cloud to start pushing it from ground level only for Ditzy to stop her with a hoof to her right shoulder, causing her to stop.

"Wait" it wasn't said with urgency but Derpy did what Ditzy said. Quite frankly Dixie and Dipsy weren't getting any worse, wait a minute… Ditzy didn't say what was wrong with Dipsy! Dixie would at least wake up in a matter of time and maybe quickly enough for dinner.

"What's wrong with Dipsy?" If they were going to sit around with two out cold winged ponies on a cloud and maybe attracting the wrong kind of attention they might as well do it while talking.

"Bad good thing, needed rest, is in coma" one doesn't even begin to know how to respond to that, Dipsy did need sleep and going into a coma was something almost close to natural for her, said pony was smiling in her deep sleep but it went unnoticed.

"What are we waiting for" turning around Ditzy pointed to the clouds as a figure shot down at them and landed next to the two passenger cloud with a pair of bloody talons. Said figure wiped her claws off on the cloud with a sheepish grin and a wide eyed stare from the two ponies, it was also noticed that she had Derpy's APPLE launcher strapped to her back.

"Hey hope you didn't run into any trouble on the way here… oh come on, stop staring at me like that I didn't kill anyone and I only maimed them a little for information, apparently Dolly was right in the fact that the mayor had contacts with a team of Wonderbolts" Derpy just slowly turned her head to Ditzy trying to wrap it around what exactly happened with the Wonderbolts and why the griffon was here, not to mention what she said about Dolly and the mayor. Apparently the griffon was still a tad grumpy.

"Wha… why are you here and what was that about Dolly and the mayor" it was an honestly good question, coming from a confused Derpy.

"In order, I owed old 'Danger Sense' Dolly a favor. She somehow found out where I was living and asked me to look out for you guys until after you delivered a package. She mentioned that the mayor of Ponyville might try to have some guy's intercept you even if she can't have the package for herself, didn't know what Dolly meant or cared. Took it as an excuse to do something cool like take a down six flying thick bricks for brains and beat the living tar out of them for information I didn't really need and I now have a interesting topic to strike up with Rainbow Dash about how I spent a nice evening with some Wonderbolts" .

Of the two of them Ditzy just smiled a crazy little smile, she hadn't seen what happened but she could only imagine rainbows, sugary treats like cupcakes and happiness. Derpy had a disturbed look on her face when she realized Dolly had planned for the eventuality that they'd run afoul of Wonderbolts. What was up with that nickname the Griffon gave her? In an even stranger turn Derpy was starting to think that there was more to their boss then simple mail delivery, because that was definitely the APPLE launcher she left laying on the ground back at the river on the outskirts of Ponyville after shooting down Rainbow Dash.

"Danger Sense Dolly" as Derpy said it in a questioning tone she was busy ripping off the bloody part of the cloud; that Gilda had made, with her bare hooves and tossed the accumulation of mist over the edge of the landing balconies.

"You don't know about it? Huh, well Dolly has these odd twitches that let her predict things in the unnatural extremes, most of it was just weather predictions though. From what I heard she took on an apprentice that has something like her abilities, don't know who though. It obviously isn't any of you guys and it was kind of a surprise to hear directly from her after so long" the griffon wasn't being as nasty as she could possibly be. Dolly did say to be amiable in her letter and one doesn't cross that pony without expecting reprisal; otherwise Dolly was friendly even if she did scare Gilda and they weren't exactly the best of friends.

"Okay… come on Ditzy we have to get these two to a hospital" walking around the cloud, Ditzy followed Derpy into getting a hoof on the cloud to start pushing the two ponies towards the nearest infirmary, which happens to have the best medical care around.

"Hey why don't I just carry them there and you go do whatever, by the way names Gilda Gotfrieda and I'll be your bodyguard for this evening" jumping on top of the cloud the griffon took a position over the coma induced Dipsy.

Both Derpy and Ditzy tried to warn her about trying to lift Dipsy by herself but she wouldn't listen to them, Ditzy was probably the one of the few ponies who could feasibly fly with Dipsy when she was unconscious.

Gilda had her claws wrapped carefully around Dipsy and soon the brown and white feathered griffon was heaving hard trying to lift Dipsy only to fall backwards off the cloud and cracked the ground getting stuck under Dipsy's weight.

"What in the world have you been feeding this lame pony; not that it's an insult, she's really flipping heavy" looking between themselves Ditzy and Derpy moved into position and carefully shoved their hooves under Dipsy's body. They struggled to put her back on the small cloud platform, letting Gilda get a breath of fresh air.

"Dipsy has an awkward nickname Ms. Gotfrieda, in fact we all do, I'm either Derpy 'Butter' Hooves or 'Dingbat' Derpy because I fumble at a lot of things and I sometimes butter my muffins too much. She's sometimes referred 'Ditz-truction' or 'Ditz-functional' because she destroys a lot of stuff by accident or at least most including me hope it is. Then there's 'Delivery Disposing' Dixie, because some people believe her being a mail pony is a farce. Finally we have here our very own 'Dead weight' Dipsy, for some reason she never takes offense to being called that but the rest of us sure do dislike being made fun of and quite frankly I'm glad we can ignore those ponies with our positive outlooks" for a moment Gilda actually looked a little perturbed, these ponies were underdogs? Gilda could actually get behind that, since she spent a lot of her time hanging out with someone who had a nickname she didn't like people placing on her and she herself had a nickname. She had visited Rainbow Dash with the hopes of it being like old times and she felt like she had been replaced by all those other ponies. Which was nothing more than a reason for her to lash out at every last one them including Rainbow the very person she was trying to visit, there was a green-eyed monster there and it wasn't the pink bouncy pony.

"You think those names are bad, try being 'Guillotine' Gilda where people think you're going to bite their heads off for just talking to you, just call me Gilda… I'm not a Ms. Anything you hear me" both the aware mail ponies nodded while looking to placate an angry Gilda and then they silently with combined effort pushed the cloud, stopping to ask for directions to nearest medical facility.

After making sure things were alright they were well on their way without Derpy being checked on because she hid her wounds with her mailbag, she was kind of afraid of the doctors and the sharp pointy needles. Neither Gilda nor Ditzy said anything, but Ditzy deemed it okay on this occasion since Derpy wasn't going to be doing anything strenuous for a while anyway and she could get medical attention after the delivery. Derpy was still on the 'go' after all.

Coming upon the guards at a side entrance to the castle and asking for a Ms. L. T. and then talking about a bridge flying up the guards got shifty eyed and pointed at the griffon questioningly. Derpy said that Gilda was with them and that was good enough for the guards apparently as one went off and brought two more back leaving them to stand guard.

The two guards that had been guarding the passageway led them inside and down the hallways into the mountain portion of the castle, they were wary of everything right now and looked to be jumpier then Applejack when she was a tiny filly in apple bucking season. Light from the sun illuminated every single hallway as they were led around the inside of the mountain for a bit through twisting hallways of stone, soon they were back outside on a walkway leading to a tower.

Looking to the guards they pointed at the tower and were looking in all directions on high alert. Looking at the tower before entering they certainly hadn't seen this on their way in, in fact it was like this tower wasn't here at all until the guards led them to it.

"I don't remember seeing this tower before I landed next to you guys; you sure can get a nice view of the entire castle town from up here though" not minding the guards jumpiness in the slightest the three made their way into the tower and up the spiraling staircase. Derpy was trying put on her best smile but with the past few days going cold turkey of any muffin even with the coffee, suffering a mildly painful injury and being chased was wearing her happy go lucky smile down quite a bit.

Ditzy was beaming and tripping over her two front right hooves, her eyes were a little crossed and she was finally going to see what was in the box and what this whole mess had been about, the anticipation was enthralling. All the searching those ponies did, all the chasing after this prize which they carried and now they get to see what it was. Gilda seemed entirely indifferent while she was thinking about extending an olive branch to these ponies and how to apologize to Rainbow Dash, maybe she liked olives too.

Climbing the stairs Derpy wondered when Dixie would wake up; she wondered if Dipsy ever would wake up and if things would ever go back to their normal daily extraordinary lives. Well the only extraordinary thing that happened to Dipsy was when she beat the nightmare inducing creature; it chose the wrong pony to pick on especially when said pony specializes in sleeping. Dixie was usually too busy thinking of others to have her own adventures and Ditzy was randomly all over the place doing her own thing. In fact Derpy realized she was the only one having actual adventures, she really should spend more time with her mailing team buddies and do something that wasn't work related together.

Coming up to a door at the top of the stairs Derpy gave a nervous look to Ditzy and her eyes had gone walled, but the pony just pushed her front hooves at Derpy in a 'go on' gesture. Gilda saw the wonky eyes on the two ponies and thought about how much fun someone would make of them for it. This led her to thinking if she would or even could make fun of them; fact of the matter is... she didn't want to and if she were with Rainbow that day and saw them like this she would have said something particularly nasty.

Then again Gilda didn't think so many people would make fun of Rainbow because of her colorful appearance or inability to fly right when they met. Quite frankly she learned to look past the flaws Rainbow had and saw someone who enjoyed flying even if she used to crash and burn a lot. They had a great friendship until she ruined it with her own 'better than thou' act and being rude to Rainbows other friends, especially the one with the pink mane that she yelled at.

Derpy reared up and braced herself against the door, before hitting it with her front right hoof several times and waited, it didn't take long because the response was rather immediate.

"Whose there and how in the world did you find the hidden tower of Canterlot, either you already knew about it or somebody must have led you to it as there are very few who can get here otherwise" the voice on the other side of the door sounded guarded and Derpy cleared her throat, before addressing the person on the other side of the door.

"Package for a Ms. L. T. in Canterlot" Suddenly there was the sound of a slow trot towards the door until it stopped on the other side.

"What's in the package" Derpy looked at Ditzy who shrugged, she turned to Gilda who was bored and falling asleep; it made her think of Dipsy, before looking back at the door.

"Don't know, I was just told to deliver it and I never once bothered to peak" The door slowly opened and a pony with a dark purple coat, blue mane and a moon shape mark adorning her flank poked her nose out, she also had a horn and wings as one of the rare special breed of ponies that existed in the world. It was Princess Luna, she hadn't seen her since that day Twilight beat her up with magic when she came to Ponyville to turn the world into eternal night.

"Come inside, I think I know what this is and if I'm right… I owe you a lot of favors and if there is anything I can do for you after showing you what's in this package, anything at all… just tell me" Slowly a larger smile crept up Derpy's face and Ditzy had a very large creepy grin that tended to scare people.

"Just three things, to be our friend, help heal my friends and…" turning to Ditzy, Derpy wanted her to say it because she didn't want to jinx herself.

"MUFFINS!" The shout was heard throughout Canterlot and the lands.


	9. Chapter 9

Author: I barely did any editing on these last three chapters, but now I'm done with ponies for a while.

Epilogue: Where they are now.

After having successfully delivered the package, Derpy acquired a mountain of muffins courtesy of her new friend Luna to share with any pony. Luna not only gave them muffins, but healed Dixie chest burn and eased the pain off of Derpy's back a bit but she couldn't instantly heal the wound as Ditzy had thought. Dipsy stayed in a coma even after Princess Luna asked for help from her big sister since she couldn't figure out how to heal the pony. Princess Celestia who was usually good for things like that couldn't figure it out either as no amount of magic could wake Dipsy.

Dipsy still swallowed anything dropped into her mouth so she was mostly back to normal; Gilda ate a few muffins and sat around actually getting to know the people she was spending time with taking a few moments to be difficult whenever she could. When it was finally time for them all to head back to Ponyville the journey was over and the package had been delivered, they spent an extra day or two resting up for the trip home.

Getting home wasn't that easy but Dixie was awake to help haul Derpy while Dipsy was carried by Ditzy, Gilda had shrugged to herself indifferently as she found her talons helping lift Derpy's weight on the way home. She wanted just wanted a single friend in Rainbow Dash, but it's about time she broadened her horizons, though she thinks Derpy had way to much stupid pride for denying the royal first class chariot ride home from both Luna and Celestia.

Where they are now, well...

The Wonderbolts' reserve squad T was eventually found stuck to some clouds floating over Fillydelphia by another Wonderbolts squad, they weren't that bad off for five ponies that were mauled by a griffon and one was left untouched because he slept through the mauling with a broken nose. They admitted to working for mayor Yorse and are still considered Wonderbolts' to this day, though they were all stuck literally licking their wounds of the tree sap they were covered in and most of them would be flying again after a month.

"How do you get this stuff out of your feathers?"

Dipsy spent the next month in a coma on vacation time, she eventually got better and had the best amount of sleep she has ever had in her life.

"Best sleep ever... I think I'll take a nap"

Dixie was fine with a fading chest bruise and managed to apologize for bucking rear guard with the green mane of the Wonderbolts so hard, she went on to watch over Dipsy for the next month while taking time to enjoy herself and talk about how her day was going to the sleeping pony knowing that she'd remember every single word ever said to her in her deep slumber. Most importantly Dixie was just happy that peace was restored to Ponyville… after it was rebuilt that is. Dixie eventually found her calling in delivering junk mail not too long after that.

"I hope everypony likes these homemade muffins."

Dolly rubbed it in the Mayors face that her plot to stop the mail had inexorably failed, she gave her team a lot of vacation time and continued to help repair the destroyed homes in Ponyville after Ditzy returned. The weather team was running rather ragged the first week of the reconstruction and Rainbow Dash was nowhere in sight leaving Dolly and a few others in charge by rotational leadership.

"I just knew I was going to have a headache after all this, get me some more aspirin Floaty Breeze."

Ditzy destroyed Ponyville as soon as they got back from Canterlot and many ponies found out they specialized in construction that day when their flank symbols formed because of Ponyville's natural local living disaster. She continues to live around Ponyville to this day, despite how much trouble she causes people still wanted her to stick around. Her camping gear was returned to her surprisingly in one piece by Twilight, which was the reason the town was destroyed in the first place as she was just looking for it incidentally knocking everything in her path down. She was eventually made an honorary mascot of the Ponyville Pushy Punishers roller derby team after they managed to rebuild the rink.

"Whee! Whales need jelly and mustard to taste good! Cupcakes!"

Gilda eventually made up with Rainbow Dash and actually became an accepted friend of her friends after she finally managed to get Pinkie's acceptance and apologized profusely to Fluttershy. She still lives in Cloudsdale to this day visiting every now and then. She kept the APPLE launcher Derpy made and periodically asks her for prank material to shoot from it, latest modification was an edible vegetable paste made from tomatoes.

"Dear Mom... eh, these ponies are not so lame after all and you don't have much to worry about anymore. I've come across a rather interesting job in Cloudsdale. You're little hatchling Gilda P.S. hope to hear from you soon it's been a while."

Mayor Yorse Tooly still doesn't have what was in the package and she still doesn't have a home to live in thanks to Ditzy. Then again many a pony had to take shelter in the Apple Acres and had to camp out as they rebuilt, so many knew where the mayor was coming from when she expressed sorrow at not having a place to live. Yorse still runs the town with a miraculously high approval rating; even Derpy still voted for her and then gave her a muffin. No hard feelings were had.

"I still can't believe they want me around... I've never felt so loved or needed before and I hardly do much to keep this town running and I can't even do 'Winter Wrap Up' right. I'm so happy they still want me as mayor."

Fluttershy still took care of the animals and lived in her small cabin on the outskirts of Ponville, however she is often seen wearing a cloak anytime she wanders into town and was often confused for Zecora. That was until the fashion master Rarity altered the cloak to fit her fashion sense and her friends needs for a comfort zone.

"Meep. Squeak. Eep."

Applejack finally achieved Derpy's forgiveness; though she would never make muffins again.

"Why in tarnation am I always the one getting the short end of the stick?"

Pinkie Pie was still part of a secretive pony society that seemed entirely devoted to driving Twilight nuts as she was the only neigh saying pony in town that there were some things you just couldn't explain. That and Pinkie is still random, she still eats lots of sugar and eventually tried to balance her diet after one too many hot sauce covered cupcakes made her ever so slightly pudgy. Pinkie said she didn't want to end up looking like their ancestors much to the confusion of everyone who saw her trying to lose weight.

"Hey the generation ones were larger then we are nowadays, besides I have to keep the good old thin Pinkie charm a rolling!"

Rainbow Dash managed to gather all of Ponyville's attention. What she had to address to them all was so out of character for the usually brash and thrill seeking tomboy who once won the manliest filly of the year competition without even entering it. She wrote a well written speech declaring that she wasn't romantically attracted to other filly/mares and hammered every single detail into the residents of Ponyville. Minutes later the mayor held a town vote and it was proven without a doubt that Rainbow wasn't like that… they however did vote that she might still be bisexual earning a loud angry yell from Rainbow Dash. She spent a lot of her free time writing that speech and now she need to write another one because she wasn't romantically interested in any gender at all at the moment. She would also have to write about the fact that a lot of ponies seemed to be obsessed with who she might end up dating if she ever was interested in doing such a thing in the first place and that they should move on with their own lives instead of trying to butt into hers.

"I hate all of you... stop forcing me into a relationship with everyone!"

Twilight Sparkle learned a lesson or two about keeping your spirits up in trying times no matter how horrible. There were quite a few lessons to be learned, like the fact that if pushed hard enough Rainbow Dash could actually come up with an eloquent speech when most people would expect her to drone on about how cool she was or whatever new dangerous to perform trick she could possibly come up with.

"Maybe I rely on Spike too much; now what can I send through the mail to Princess Celestia?"

Ditzy's flank mark represented protective bubble wrap and strength. Dipsy's flank mark represented a cup full of dreams and fond memories. Dixie's mark represented shining hope and peace.

What did these flank symbols have to do with anything you ask? Derpy's has yet to be explained.

Standing the middle of the 'Evergreen Golf Course' Derpy smiled as she carried a golf bag with clubs designed with ponies in mind, she was definitely going to win the cloud nine golfing tourney again this year but right now she had to practice her stuff.

Carefully placing down her tee, Derpy pulled out a grey golf ball with her mouth and carefully set it down and looked at the hole in the distance putting a hoof above her eyes and making sure her mane didn't fall into her eyes and to keep the sun out.

She took a golf club into her mouth and reared back with a whinny before striking the ball with a twist of her neck sending it flying into the distance, a job well done and a lot time off from Dolly with muffins from Princess Luna. Life as a mail pony was just grand and Derpy wondered what adventures would come next.

As she trotted off towards the green on the other side of the hill, Luna could be seen smiling from a different nearby hill top resting under a tree. The object in the package wasn't necessarily the most important thing in the world, material possessions no matter how magical or wonderful couldn't compare to a friend, but that thing was still so wondrous it was quite understandable why every pony was after it.

"Luna it's your turn" nodding Luna went to set up her own purple golf ball. Those friendship lessons Luna kept getting from Twilight were really helping her adjust back into society and Derpy was a good first friend to have. Not that her sister ever told Twilight why she had to write lessons down and send in what she learned about friendship, she was going to personally turn all the stuff the librarian pony wrote into a book.

The grass was always greener on the other side… of the hill. In golfing this was always true and Derpy couldn't be any happier as she pulled another muffin from her mail bag on the opposite side of her body and bit into it slowly enjoying the warm fluffy taste. She smiled as her eyes went staring off into space as she swallowed and let the chunks of condensed happiness slide down her throat.

"Deeeeerrrrp" with that unusual sounding belch Derpy gave a cheery laugh as she watched Luna's ball shoot through the clear sky leaving behind a rainbow of colors. Sometime you just got to have the drive to continue being a Mail Pony through thick and thin… and Luna certainly had an excellent backswing.

End.


End file.
